Dear Diary,
I’ve been in Army Basic Training for 10 weeks this Fall, and just recently graduated and moved into AIT-- Accurately Imitating Travis. For the next 9 weeks, my comrades and I will be Awesomely Imitating Travis as we learn how to operate heavy equipment. Here are a few highlights of my training so far:
9.1.10 First day of training. I did a few pushups, ate 3 square meals and one rounded snack.
10.17.10 Today while building a barbed-wire fence along the Texas/Louisiana border, my comrade Roger Hartman made a few mistakes. 1) He danced an Irish Jig on Texas soil, which is a severe disgrace to the Alamo and all who fought there. 2) He intentionally crossed the national boundary into Louisiana. This violates several Federal treaties. 3) He wrapped poor Adam up in barbed-wire as if he were a Christmas tree and barbed-wire was strings of popcorn. I now know what a barbed-wire Christmas Human looks like.
10.25.10 We did our first jump today from a C-130 Transport. I like sky-diving! The only difficult part was shooting practice during free-fall. We were all given paintball guns and ordered to shoot each other as many times as possible on the way down. Whomever reached the ground with the least amount of paint would win the contest. Once our parachutes opened, a severe aerial paint war ensued. It was difficult to adjust to warfare in an environment with not only left and right, forward and backward but also up and down. Recruit Thompson won the contest. He was hit a total of zero times because he forgot his parachute.
10.31.10. Halloween Dinner. We had just come in from firing anti-tank missiles, rocket-propelled grenades and PFC Roger Hartman. The juice wasn’t ready, so the chef had me and Rolly go out back and drive a tank over a few pumpkins.
11.9.10 Today we finally got around to flying airplanes and helicopters. They let us loose on the airfield and we could practice on whatever we wanted. Lots of people fought over the fighter jets, but I went straight for the Space Shuttle. I liked the lift-off a lot, but found that landing it was very difficult, especially with all the fighter jets and helicopters flying around, and for some inane reason they scheduled another group to have their aerial paint fight that day, so the skies were a bit congested.
11.15.10 I graduated yesterday and moved on to heavy equipment operating. Don’t be fooled. This equipment is HEAVY.
Here's a video of some driving I did yesterday:
Time for lights out.
Till next time,
The Voter
-Moving heavy equipment like Sgt. Oaks
Monday, December 6, 2010
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Travis
Travis:
-runs away by himself while the other kids are singing songs
-wrestles with his friend and gets in trouble
-loves "4 hugs a day" song. Giggles
-Miss Alicia has to tell him to sit still a lot because he keeps wiggling
-Teacher holds him on her lap because the other kids are annoyed-trying to listen to the teacher
-drew on the dry erase board. shapes & letters
-"If I could have anything in the world, it would be a car"
-makes noises and plays with his nametag, pretending to choke himself with it
-experiments with nametag, putting his hand inside, slinging it over his arm, etc.
-holds up 4 fingers to represent the number 4
-punts things in the story act to the teacher
-asks questions during storytime ---> "Who is that guy?"
-knows what the word "miserable" means.
-puts his fingers in his mouth a lot. Plays with his tongue
-pretends to be asleep ---> starts shoving
-shows his teacher Miss Alicia his "sad face"
I was picking up trash on campus as I'm prone to do, and imagine my surprise when I found a page of my own journal lying in the lobby of the SWKT!
****
FOLLOW-UP:
From Kristina Stewart, December 1st 4:06PM
Travis, I know where that came from! That piece of paper that belongs to your..."journal" is in fact someone's pre-school observation notes. How do I know this? Because I observed Travis TOO! He was a funny stick of a boy with fluffy floppy bull cut hair. Purely adorable, but prone to get into mischief. I am so glad you shared that. They're probably in Nelson's Human Development Class which meets in room 250 of the SWKT, so that's why you found the paper there. Mystery solved. You know, that little kid actually reminded me of you, and as you read the notes, I'm sure you can understand why......just kidding
Thank you for your insight, Kristina!
****
Travis Jay Moore
-Journaler
-runs away by himself while the other kids are singing songs
-wrestles with his friend and gets in trouble
-loves "4 hugs a day" song. Giggles
-Miss Alicia has to tell him to sit still a lot because he keeps wiggling
-Teacher holds him on her lap because the other kids are annoyed-trying to listen to the teacher
-drew on the dry erase board. shapes & letters
-"If I could have anything in the world, it would be a car"
-makes noises and plays with his nametag, pretending to choke himself with it
-experiments with nametag, putting his hand inside, slinging it over his arm, etc.
-holds up 4 fingers to represent the number 4
-punts things in the story act to the teacher
-asks questions during storytime ---> "Who is that guy?"
-knows what the word "miserable" means.
-puts his fingers in his mouth a lot. Plays with his tongue
-pretends to be asleep ---> starts shoving
-shows his teacher Miss Alicia his "sad face"
I was picking up trash on campus as I'm prone to do, and imagine my surprise when I found a page of my own journal lying in the lobby of the SWKT!
****
FOLLOW-UP:
From Kristina Stewart, December 1st 4:06PM
Travis, I know where that came from! That piece of paper that belongs to your..."journal" is in fact someone's pre-school observation notes. How do I know this? Because I observed Travis TOO! He was a funny stick of a boy with fluffy floppy bull cut hair. Purely adorable, but prone to get into mischief. I am so glad you shared that. They're probably in Nelson's Human Development Class which meets in room 250 of the SWKT, so that's why you found the paper there. Mystery solved. You know, that little kid actually reminded me of you, and as you read the notes, I'm sure you can understand why......just kidding
Thank you for your insight, Kristina!
****
Travis Jay Moore
-Journaler
Friday, October 15, 2010
The Method method
Dear MASAPers,
First of all, I apologize for my lack of newsletters. School and work have swamped me. (By the way, this is not the automated Mr. President that Travis referred to in previous posts. This is the real me. The automated me was created to try and fill the void created by my absence.) I’ve been stretched very thin. I've gotten 5 hours of sleep the past three nights in a row. Needless to say, I’m happy to have a short chunk of time where I can address you.
When I was in high school, I had the awesome opportunity to participate in several musicals. I loved it. Acting and singing were so much fun. Sadly, it didn’t last though. Like many things in life, we have to pick and choose our priorities carefully. So, since high school, I haven’t done any plays or musicals. That doesn’t mean that I haven’t found opportunities to do some acting, but it just hasn’t been quite the same.
I’m sure most (if not all) of you have had experiences with acting, whether it be in a play or simply in pretending to be someone else as a prank (like the one time I pretended to be a homeless deaf-mute, trying to hitch a ride). I’m also sure that most of us could always use a few pointers on how to become a better actor. So in order to facilitate that growth, I’ve enlisted the help of one of my favorite actors, Sir Ian McKellen:
Jeff Yeager
Mr. President. Actor. Homeless deaf-mute.
First of all, I apologize for my lack of newsletters. School and work have swamped me. (By the way, this is not the automated Mr. President that Travis referred to in previous posts. This is the real me. The automated me was created to try and fill the void created by my absence.) I’ve been stretched very thin. I've gotten 5 hours of sleep the past three nights in a row. Needless to say, I’m happy to have a short chunk of time where I can address you.
When I was in high school, I had the awesome opportunity to participate in several musicals. I loved it. Acting and singing were so much fun. Sadly, it didn’t last though. Like many things in life, we have to pick and choose our priorities carefully. So, since high school, I haven’t done any plays or musicals. That doesn’t mean that I haven’t found opportunities to do some acting, but it just hasn’t been quite the same.
I’m sure most (if not all) of you have had experiences with acting, whether it be in a play or simply in pretending to be someone else as a prank (like the one time I pretended to be a homeless deaf-mute, trying to hitch a ride). I’m also sure that most of us could always use a few pointers on how to become a better actor. So in order to facilitate that growth, I’ve enlisted the help of one of my favorite actors, Sir Ian McKellen:
Jeff Yeager
Mr. President. Actor. Homeless deaf-mute.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Two simple, yet often unexpressed, sentiments
Two of the most important phrases in the English language are "I love you" and "I'm sorry." However, two of the most unexpressed sentiments are, "go, go gadget" and "and knowing is half the battle." Do you ever wonder how your life could change by incorporating those two simple phrases into your everyday conversations? For example:
"Did you realize that you just took the last piece of cake?" "And knowing is half the battle."
"I heard the other day that trans-fats are on the rise again and the cause of childhood obesity." "And knowing is half the battle."
Or, my personal favorite:
"Hey, could you hand me that stapler, please?" "go, go, gadget get it yourself."
"I'm really tired; let's go to bed." "go, go, gadget video games come first."
Personally, I think these two little phrases have immense value in society today; my challenge is to incorporate them more in my daily speech and I challenge you to do the same. I know you'll be happy you did.
Kevin Philip Pepper Jr.
-Believing that is his real name is half the battle
"Did you realize that you just took the last piece of cake?" "And knowing is half the battle."
"I heard the other day that trans-fats are on the rise again and the cause of childhood obesity." "And knowing is half the battle."
Or, my personal favorite:
"Hey, could you hand me that stapler, please?" "go, go, gadget get it yourself."
"I'm really tired; let's go to bed." "go, go, gadget video games come first."
Personally, I think these two little phrases have immense value in society today; my challenge is to incorporate them more in my daily speech and I challenge you to do the same. I know you'll be happy you did.
Kevin Philip Pepper Jr.
-Believing that is his real name is half the battle
Monday, October 11, 2010
Nothing Remarkable
There was nothing remarkable about yesterday's date. 10.10.10 has occurred 5 times since the advent of the Gregorian calendar. To say it is unique and exciting is to be wrong; just because an event has not occurred in your lifetime doesn't make it special. Millions of people have experienced 10.10.10 before us. It you were to argue that a certain date on a calendar were special, you would also have to argue that any event in your own life, whether experienced by others before or not, is also unique. Think about it--if you were to be married tomorrow, would that be special? No, it wouldn't, because 9,456,765,200 have been married before you. WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? Just because your shorts fell down at the pool doesn't make you the center of attention.
Which brings me to my next topic: Worst bands of all time. I've never met anyone that said they didn't like music. We all like it. It's one of the 6 universal languages (#1 music #2 love #3 English #4 Star Wars #5 Apple Computer Inc. #6 cheeseburgers). There are, however, some types of music that should never have been born (think auto tune). What's really the worst is when a group of musicians gets together and consistently creates terrible, awful music. The kind of sound that makes you want to run to the nearest audiology clinic and have anything, even Amanda Bynes' voice if necessary, played directly into your auditory nerves instead.
I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about. There are probably as many tastes in music as there are dropped shorts at pools annually, but I think we can all come to a consensus about certain types of music that are better left unsung, un-played and most importantly, unheard.
The following is my personal top 10 list of least favorite bands:
#1 They Might be Giants
#2 See #1
#3 See #2
#4 See #3
#5 See #4
#6 See #5
#7 See #6
#8 See #7
#9 See #8
#10 See #9
I have evidence, but I also possess a moral responsibility not to prove it to you. How would drug education look if the instructor said to kids, "PCP is the worst!" and one of the children asked, "But how? Can you prove it?" and the instructor said, "Of course! Come try this PCP!" That would be totally ineffective. So yes, 'They Might be Giants' or like I prefer to refer to them 'They Might have been dropped on their heads from Giant heights' IS the worst band, and NO I won't show you how or why. It would be morally irresponsible to inject you with such powerful poison. You'll just have to trust me.
Here's a video I've been especially wanting to share with you all. It looks like fantastic fun, is shot beautifully and most expertly edited:
(Do yourself a favor and watch it full screen at 720p resolution. It's worth it!)
-Travis Moore
Everything Remarkable
Which brings me to my next topic: Worst bands of all time. I've never met anyone that said they didn't like music. We all like it. It's one of the 6 universal languages (#1 music #2 love #3 English #4 Star Wars #5 Apple Computer Inc. #6 cheeseburgers). There are, however, some types of music that should never have been born (think auto tune). What's really the worst is when a group of musicians gets together and consistently creates terrible, awful music. The kind of sound that makes you want to run to the nearest audiology clinic and have anything, even Amanda Bynes' voice if necessary, played directly into your auditory nerves instead.
I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about. There are probably as many tastes in music as there are dropped shorts at pools annually, but I think we can all come to a consensus about certain types of music that are better left unsung, un-played and most importantly, unheard.
The following is my personal top 10 list of least favorite bands:
#1 They Might be Giants
#2 See #1
#3 See #2
#4 See #3
#5 See #4
#6 See #5
#7 See #6
#8 See #7
#9 See #8
#10 See #9
I have evidence, but I also possess a moral responsibility not to prove it to you. How would drug education look if the instructor said to kids, "PCP is the worst!" and one of the children asked, "But how? Can you prove it?" and the instructor said, "Of course! Come try this PCP!" That would be totally ineffective. So yes, 'They Might be Giants' or like I prefer to refer to them 'They Might have been dropped on their heads from Giant heights' IS the worst band, and NO I won't show you how or why. It would be morally irresponsible to inject you with such powerful poison. You'll just have to trust me.
Here's a video I've been especially wanting to share with you all. It looks like fantastic fun, is shot beautifully and most expertly edited:
(Do yourself a favor and watch it full screen at 720p resolution. It's worth it!)
-Travis Moore
Everything Remarkable
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Waking Up
September 30th, 2010
Dear Diary,
Today was a great day. I've missed out on quite a few things recently: 4 weeks of classes, Switzerland's Federal Council elections, Labor Day, Linkin Park's new album, Christina Zmolek and JJ Campbell's birthdays and a handful of football games.
Just as requested, I was woken up from my yearly hibernation (I'm so grateful for Jeff Yeager, MASAP automated robot, for rousing me from my slumber just as I'd programmed him to do). At first I went all Cave of Wonders on him, but can I be blamed for being a bit groggy and disoriented after being asleep for 30 full days? I think not.
Now that I'm well rested, I have a few goals, which I'd like to list here so I can refer back to them:
-return to my pre-hibernation weight.
-catch up on my college classes
-give Jeff Yeager a treat (maybe a new integrated circuit, a new motherboard or upgraded OS)
-Wish JJ and Christina both very happy birthdays
-Write in my diary more often. I really slacked off while I was sleeping.
-Travis Moore
Cave of Wonders
Dear Diary,
Today was a great day. I've missed out on quite a few things recently: 4 weeks of classes, Switzerland's Federal Council elections, Labor Day, Linkin Park's new album, Christina Zmolek and JJ Campbell's birthdays and a handful of football games.
Just as requested, I was woken up from my yearly hibernation (I'm so grateful for Jeff Yeager, MASAP automated robot, for rousing me from my slumber just as I'd programmed him to do). At first I went all Cave of Wonders on him, but can I be blamed for being a bit groggy and disoriented after being asleep for 30 full days? I think not.
Now that I'm well rested, I have a few goals, which I'd like to list here so I can refer back to them:
-return to my pre-hibernation weight.
-catch up on my college classes
-give Jeff Yeager a treat (maybe a new integrated circuit, a new motherboard or upgraded OS)
-Wish JJ and Christina both very happy birthdays
-Write in my diary more often. I really slacked off while I was sleeping.
-Travis Moore
Cave of Wonders
Thursday, September 30, 2010
8 hours
As you may have noticed, today is September 30th. As Earth Wind and Fire taught us long ago, September is a time to dance. The great thing about EWF is that they not only tell us what to do, but they show us too! Let's watch, together:
Now if there's one thing that makes my heart happy, it's black people dancing. Seriously.
You have 8 hours left. Dance!
-Travis Jay Moore
Knows How Every Bird Dances
Now if there's one thing that makes my heart happy, it's black people dancing. Seriously.
You have 8 hours left. Dance!
-Travis Jay Moore
Knows How Every Bird Dances
Monday, September 20, 2010
If you had: One Shot.
It's been a long time, my friends. No time to explain or even apologize, but this is a lovely video worth sharing, and it only has 745 views, so I'm assuming you have Not seen it before. 10 points to you if you have.
Don't worry, I'll be back tomorrow and we will dance in September together!
Great write-up on how they made the video from Gizmodo:
Behind the Scenes <----Click on it!! It's a link!
Love,
Travis Moore
Animal trainer and one-shot enthusiast.
Don't worry, I'll be back tomorrow and we will dance in September together!
Great write-up on how they made the video from Gizmodo:
Behind the Scenes <----Click on it!! It's a link!
Love,
Travis Moore
Animal trainer and one-shot enthusiast.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Old Friends
Today I’d like to speak about old friends. I don’t mean friends that are old, but rather, friends that we have known for what seems like forever. Some of our best friends are friends that we have had for years. Why am I speaking on this topic? That is a good question. I suppose I owe all of you an explanation.
Well, a couple weeks ago, I went on vacation for a week and went home to visit family and friends. Yes, that’s right; I haven’t actually been on vacation all summer. My summer days have been spent working, sweating, and slaving. Anyways… back to my story. While home, I was able to see many old friends that I haven’t seen in a long time. This was a very exciting time. I was able to reunite with many long lost friends. One of these friends lives in the Phoenix area so I took a day to go and visit. We had a grand old time, reliving memories, singing, making tie-dye shirts, and anything else we could think of to entertain ourselves. I probably would’ve taught this friend (who, by the way, is my personal bodyguard) the Rubik’s Cube, but we lacked the time and also said Rubik’s Cube. So that will have to wait for another time. Needless to say, there was much rejoicing.
Yay...
Needless to say, being home and seeing old friends filled me with nostalgia. I relived many good memories and greatly enjoyed my time there. But like many (but not all) good things, my time back home came to an end. My last morning, Katie (my bodyguard) offered to give me a ride to the airport. I accepted, and off we went to the airport. A short while into our venture, we approached a giant storm.
Now, I have to pause here, because when I say a giant storm, you have to understand that we were in Arizona... in the middle of summer... in the middle of monsoon season. The cloud literally just opened and buckets of water were falling on us as we drove. The best part (in my opinion, my bodyguard may disagree) was the thunder and lightning. It was beautiful and I LOVED it. There’s just something about those storms that I love. And when I say love, I mean it. I probably love those storms as much as I’ll love parenthood. Seriously. I love thunderstorms as much as I love babies. I love thunderstorms almost as much as I love THESE babies:
This guy’s a little more intense than the others…
So, to sum things up. Friends are awesome. That’s all I’m really trying to say here. So treasure them and don’t lose them. Keep them close, like your blankey.
Jeff Yeager
Mr. President. Also, break dancer. Also, leader of the baby rebellion.
Well, a couple weeks ago, I went on vacation for a week and went home to visit family and friends. Yes, that’s right; I haven’t actually been on vacation all summer. My summer days have been spent working, sweating, and slaving. Anyways… back to my story. While home, I was able to see many old friends that I haven’t seen in a long time. This was a very exciting time. I was able to reunite with many long lost friends. One of these friends lives in the Phoenix area so I took a day to go and visit. We had a grand old time, reliving memories, singing, making tie-dye shirts, and anything else we could think of to entertain ourselves. I probably would’ve taught this friend (who, by the way, is my personal bodyguard) the Rubik’s Cube, but we lacked the time and also said Rubik’s Cube. So that will have to wait for another time. Needless to say, there was much rejoicing.
Yay...
Needless to say, being home and seeing old friends filled me with nostalgia. I relived many good memories and greatly enjoyed my time there. But like many (but not all) good things, my time back home came to an end. My last morning, Katie (my bodyguard) offered to give me a ride to the airport. I accepted, and off we went to the airport. A short while into our venture, we approached a giant storm.
Now, I have to pause here, because when I say a giant storm, you have to understand that we were in Arizona... in the middle of summer... in the middle of monsoon season. The cloud literally just opened and buckets of water were falling on us as we drove. The best part (in my opinion, my bodyguard may disagree) was the thunder and lightning. It was beautiful and I LOVED it. There’s just something about those storms that I love. And when I say love, I mean it. I probably love those storms as much as I’ll love parenthood. Seriously. I love thunderstorms as much as I love babies. I love thunderstorms almost as much as I love THESE babies:
This guy’s a little more intense than the others…
So, to sum things up. Friends are awesome. That’s all I’m really trying to say here. So treasure them and don’t lose them. Keep them close, like your blankey.
Jeff Yeager
Mr. President. Also, break dancer. Also, leader of the baby rebellion.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
A note on life
Apparently life is not as it would seem. Sometimes it is easy, sometimes difficult. Sometimes simple, sometimes confusing. Sometimes it is none of those things but is somewhere in between.
You may read this and say 'wow, he just took a whole paragraph to say nothing.' Or you may read and think to yourself, 'yup, I know exactly how that feels.' Either way I wish you my congratulations. You are correct. Pat yourself on the back and eat a doggie treat.
Now why would I write a note on life? Could it be because I am feeling contemplative? Could I just be having MASAP withdrawals? Is it possible that none of these things actually is an adequate explanation? Possibly.
To make a long story short, consider this recent correspondence I received:
Dear Highly Esteemed Voter!
How are you? One day last week, I was snacking on a barrelfull of tunafish when I suddenly felt the need to write you a letter. It was difficult to leave my tuna, and even more difficult to get your address! I had to ask Jeeves, and he didn't even want to tell me. Anyways, I handwrote this letter, and I'm hoping you can read my handwriting. I hope you can read it because I have some advice to ask from you. There is this girl that I really like, but I can't tell how she feels about me. Sometimes I think she wants me real bad, and other times its like she doesn't notice me. I just want to proclaim my love for her, perhaps through song and dance, but I am afraid she'll just think it is weird. What if she rejected me? I don't know if I could live with it.
Yours truly,
Tony Stunbucket
Now Masappers, I think this is something that has either happened or not happened to all of us, so I will publicly share my correspondence with all of you, in the hopes that Tony will benefit from my wisdom along with the rest of us.
Tony,
You seem torn up about this woman-that-should-not-be-named. I think I know who you are talking about and will keep her in strict confidence. It is pretty simple Tony. Either she loves you or she doesn't. If she doesn't love you, who knows, she may change her mind. On the flip side, she may not. The sad reality of life is that rarely do likes line up at the same time. Sometimes you may love a girl and she loves your best bud. Other times a girl loves you, and you love her sister (Awkward...). The fact is, when two people like each other at the same time, they get married or something. When you don't like each other you get divorced. Unless you weren't married, because then you can't get a divorce. What I am trying to say is that you can't let she-who-must-not-be-named get to you like this. The future will hold what the future holds. And the future is buff. It can hold all kinds of things, and it never needs to rest. For your sake, I hope the future can bench press every single dream you have. It is my pronkfully held belief that as Thomas Jefferson said, "All pronks living pronkfully within this land of pronk have the right and pronkfull duty to express themselves with pronk, in whichever pronking manner such pronk pronkingly pronks pronkfully pronkify them to pronk."
Good luck to you!
-the Voter
You may read this and say 'wow, he just took a whole paragraph to say nothing.' Or you may read and think to yourself, 'yup, I know exactly how that feels.' Either way I wish you my congratulations. You are correct. Pat yourself on the back and eat a doggie treat.
Now why would I write a note on life? Could it be because I am feeling contemplative? Could I just be having MASAP withdrawals? Is it possible that none of these things actually is an adequate explanation? Possibly.
To make a long story short, consider this recent correspondence I received:
Dear Highly Esteemed Voter!
How are you? One day last week, I was snacking on a barrelfull of tunafish when I suddenly felt the need to write you a letter. It was difficult to leave my tuna, and even more difficult to get your address! I had to ask Jeeves, and he didn't even want to tell me. Anyways, I handwrote this letter, and I'm hoping you can read my handwriting. I hope you can read it because I have some advice to ask from you. There is this girl that I really like, but I can't tell how she feels about me. Sometimes I think she wants me real bad, and other times its like she doesn't notice me. I just want to proclaim my love for her, perhaps through song and dance, but I am afraid she'll just think it is weird. What if she rejected me? I don't know if I could live with it.
Yours truly,
Tony Stunbucket
Now Masappers, I think this is something that has either happened or not happened to all of us, so I will publicly share my correspondence with all of you, in the hopes that Tony will benefit from my wisdom along with the rest of us.
Tony,
You seem torn up about this woman-that-should-not-be-named. I think I know who you are talking about and will keep her in strict confidence. It is pretty simple Tony. Either she loves you or she doesn't. If she doesn't love you, who knows, she may change her mind. On the flip side, she may not. The sad reality of life is that rarely do likes line up at the same time. Sometimes you may love a girl and she loves your best bud. Other times a girl loves you, and you love her sister (Awkward...). The fact is, when two people like each other at the same time, they get married or something. When you don't like each other you get divorced. Unless you weren't married, because then you can't get a divorce. What I am trying to say is that you can't let she-who-must-not-be-named get to you like this. The future will hold what the future holds. And the future is buff. It can hold all kinds of things, and it never needs to rest. For your sake, I hope the future can bench press every single dream you have. It is my pronkfully held belief that as Thomas Jefferson said, "All pronks living pronkfully within this land of pronk have the right and pronkfull duty to express themselves with pronk, in whichever pronking manner such pronk pronkingly pronks pronkfully pronkify them to pronk."
Good luck to you!
-the Voter
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Talented or Not?
so you have probably heard people say that 'everyone is special.' unfortunately, this idea of everyone being special also seems to imply the converse, that 'no one is special.' so i've always thought to myself, what is so special about everyone being special? it confused me to no end as a child. fortunately, i think i might finally have an idea of what these people mean, and i'm willing to save you the confusion by sharing my findings with you.
you see, not everyone is good at everything, and most people are good at very few things. so what makes everyone 'special' is talents. and before anyone goes and says 'but i don't have any talents!' listen up: you do. now i might be talented in having a really loud voice that can probably out-yell the best of you, but that doesn't mean that i have the loudest voice in the world. (it also doesn't mean that yelling is a very admired talent). i guess what i'm saying is, compared to most people, i have a comparative advantage in the ability to make myself heard, therefore making me special. even if that was the only thing i could do well, i would be special.
some people seem to be good at everything. i used to hate those people. but not anymore. because they only have one talent: they are good at everything. now if i am good at three different things (yelling, not getting brainfreezes when i eat a slushie, and climbing trees) then i am three times more talented than the guy that is good at everything. plus, economics teaches me that comparative advantage always leaves everyone with something to do. if the guy who is good at everything wasted his time yelling and drinking slushies, who would climb the trees? or perhaps more importantly, who would cure cancer? let the guy who is good at everything become a brain surgeon, a pro b-baller, or a mother. i've got a tree to climb.
here is a guy that may or may not be talented. at least simon likes him!
regardless of how talented he is, he is still special.
Jeremy Moore
-not taking messages at the moment, he is in a tree.
you see, not everyone is good at everything, and most people are good at very few things. so what makes everyone 'special' is talents. and before anyone goes and says 'but i don't have any talents!' listen up: you do. now i might be talented in having a really loud voice that can probably out-yell the best of you, but that doesn't mean that i have the loudest voice in the world. (it also doesn't mean that yelling is a very admired talent). i guess what i'm saying is, compared to most people, i have a comparative advantage in the ability to make myself heard, therefore making me special. even if that was the only thing i could do well, i would be special.
some people seem to be good at everything. i used to hate those people. but not anymore. because they only have one talent: they are good at everything. now if i am good at three different things (yelling, not getting brainfreezes when i eat a slushie, and climbing trees) then i am three times more talented than the guy that is good at everything. plus, economics teaches me that comparative advantage always leaves everyone with something to do. if the guy who is good at everything wasted his time yelling and drinking slushies, who would climb the trees? or perhaps more importantly, who would cure cancer? let the guy who is good at everything become a brain surgeon, a pro b-baller, or a mother. i've got a tree to climb.
here is a guy that may or may not be talented. at least simon likes him!
regardless of how talented he is, he is still special.
Jeremy Moore
-not taking messages at the moment, he is in a tree.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Psychiatrics
Well, MASAPers, it feels like it’s been forever since I last addressed you. I mostly blame that on my girlfriend… But now I’m back, ready to give you my most recent advice. Today, I want to encourage you all to see your psychiatrist. We always talk about “normal” people and “weird” people, but if you really think about it, we’re all pretty odd. In reality, we all need help. Stephen King once said, “I think that we’re all mentally ill; those of us outside the asylums only hide it a little better…” Just think briefly about all the strange and odd things that we all do. I can think of plenty that I do myself. So, I would ask each of you to make an appointment with your psychiatrist immediately to see if you can be helped at all.
Perhaps this clinic could help you out:
Here’s my last thought, a quote from a book I recently read: “You are safe inside your mind. No one can reach you there.”
Jeff Yeager
Mr. President. Potentially Crazed Psychopath. Your Mom.
Perhaps this clinic could help you out:
Here’s my last thought, a quote from a book I recently read: “You are safe inside your mind. No one can reach you there.”
Jeff Yeager
Mr. President. Potentially Crazed Psychopath. Your Mom.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Politics and Fairy Tales
Here is a true story from my childhood:
"Once upon a time there was this girl that liked to walk in the woods every day. On one particularly unusual day, she set out for her daily walk in the woods with a red hooded cape on. As she walked, she came upon a pig building his house out of twigs. The girl was a little hungry, so she asked if she could have a snack to tie her over until lunch. The pig agreed and gave her curds and whey. She hadn't been seated for long before a spider came along and scared her away, and she decided to continue her walk.
As she walked, she carried three bags of black wool--one for the master, one for the dame, and one for the little boy who lives down the lane. On her way to the little boy's house, she paused briefly to sing to seven hardworking short men. After all that was done, the girl came upon a pig trying to rebuild his house of straw. She decided that she had time to visit with this pig, so as they visited, the pig told her a story about his ten pig friends that went to various places or stayed home. At the end of his story , he stuck his thumb in a pie and pulled out a plum. He gave her some bread, and they said their goodbyes.
The girl crumbled the bread as she journeyed on through the woods and dropped some of the crumbs on the trail where she walked. She kept walking until she came to another pig's house, this time it had just barely been finished. Oddly enough, just as she arrived at the house, a wolf was blown out of the chimney with his rear end on fire! This was such a sight to see that on the hill right beside the pig's house, a boy that was fetching water fell down and caused the girl to tumble to the ground after him.
She woke up a few hours later to find a group of people standing around her. One was a wooden boy with a really long nose. He was lying profusely. No one seemed to pay him much attention, because at that moment, a young boy (with one shoe off and one shoe on) jumped over a candlestick, became tired then went to sleep under a haystack. Luckily, a man who had purportedly stolen Christmas helped her up, got her a glass of water, and patted her on the head. She was now ready to continue walking.
She thanked the pig for his hospitality and went on her way. By this time, the moon had come out, and to the girl's surprise, a cow jumped over it. She saw a dish running away with one of the pig's spoons, but there was too much cowbell for her voice to be heard over all of the ruckus. All of a sudden, she was nearly stampeded by a mob chasing a lively boy-shaped gingerbread cookie. She decided to start running to hopefully avoid any other crazy happenings. Then she remembered a special shortcut that she thought nobody else knew about...
When she came to the wall that runs through the path, she scaled it and jumped down, landing with a big 'crunch' on a big pile of broken egg shells. She was a little confused until she heard the clip-clop of all the king's horse's hooves. She continued on, she was close now! All she had to do was cross the bridge and she'd be home! The girl came to the bridge, and was halfway across, when a mean angry troll jumped up and was insistent that she could not pass. Suddenly, a big goat came charging up and bucked the troll right off the bridge into the river. She thanked the goat and moved on through the woods, arriving at home just in time to hear some guy rap at her window and cry through the lock that it was now 8 o' clock."
Kyla Rohrbough
-Fairytale Superhero Princess.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Michael Jackson
so you may have heard of elvis presley (January 8, 1935 – ?). if not, you have probably heard of 'The King.' Same thing. But the question mark that we left behind indicates an uncertainty about his death. some say he is still alive, either in a test tube, on mars, or in canada. i do not claim to know the truth on this matter, but there is one matter that i do claim to know something about:
michael jackson was a black man. he later turned white, and according to some accounts may have turned into a woman. but when he 'died' (June 25, 2009), no one questioned whether he may have continued on like elvis. if elvis was 'The King,' then certainly MJ was an even more specific type of king, probably 'The King of Pop.'
so here is the evidence that michael jackson is still alive. he was cloned 6 times and appears here in this video with all of his clones and one beat-boxing friend:
some have chosen to question this evidence, because none of MJ's clones are black. to these individuals i echo a resounding 'DUH!' michael hasn't been black for years. of course his clones wouldn't be either.
spread the word!
Jeremy Moore
-Establisher of Truth
Friday, May 28, 2010
Don't Iron Children
One of my favorite authors is Orson Scott Card. He frequently writes about very young characters who do very extraordinary things.
We need not be small children to do extraordinary things. But you must be an infant in a sweet suit if you'd like to be referred to as "Iron Baby".
WOW.
-Travis
Iron Giant
We need not be small children to do extraordinary things. But you must be an infant in a sweet suit if you'd like to be referred to as "Iron Baby".
WOW.
-Travis
Iron Giant
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
He's Barack Obama!
Dear MASAPers,
Today I’d like to show you one of the coolest videos I think I’ve ever seen. I came across it and it basically made my day. So without further ado, I present “He’s Barack Obama” by JibJab:
In other news, Iron Man is now out of a job because Barack Obama pretty much took his place. He has now joined the rest of the world’s super heroes in retirement as there is no longer a need for any of them with Obama patrolling our skies.
In other news, I also came across this other music video shortly before the Barack Obama video. I hadn’t seen this one in several years, and I’d forgotten how hilarious it was. So here is another piece of entertainment for y’all, David Hasselhoff singing Hooked on a Feeling (My favorite part is probably his dance moves at 2:13):
Jeff Yeager
Mr. President. Barack Obama. Super Hero.
Friday, May 14, 2010
The Busey Challenge
Hello Masappers, this is not Jeremy Moore, nor is it Jeff Yeager, also not Michael Sylvestre or any other MASAP admin for that matter. This is the distinguished and impeccably humble Jacob Schmidt. I'm rather irked at two things right now, one is the lack of indentation and my complete inability to change that and the second is that I already typed a long newsletter just in time for my computer to delete it.
Blast! I love indenting, why do you not let me? The subject of this message is the new group and lifestyle known as the Busey Challenge. Some of you may have been invited, some may have been called squidbrain and others aren't lucky enough to know what I'm talking about, those very same people are also annoyed that I wont get around to telling them for at least three lines of type because I'm rambling and you're not my english teacher so I don;t have to listen to anything you tell mea bout comma splices and run on sentences or how I used a semi colon instead of an apostrophe when spelling the word don;t.
The Busey Challenge is a concept I started after seeing an interview with actor and self proclaimed prophet Garry Busey in which he threatened to pull the reporter's endocrine system out of his body and use it as a hat. I then challenged myself and a few others to use this threat in an ordinary situation. The idea took off and then expanded to a face book group that you can find and join today:The Busey Challenge I will be posting a new crazy quote to use each week and I will take any suggestions on other crazy people besides Gary Busey to feature.
That will be all except this video... and another one too.
Jacob Schmidt
-Busey enthusiast, squidbrain, and one man-wrecking crew
Blast! I love indenting, why do you not let me? The subject of this message is the new group and lifestyle known as the Busey Challenge. Some of you may have been invited, some may have been called squidbrain and others aren't lucky enough to know what I'm talking about, those very same people are also annoyed that I wont get around to telling them for at least three lines of type because I'm rambling and you're not my english teacher so I don;t have to listen to anything you tell mea bout comma splices and run on sentences or how I used a semi colon instead of an apostrophe when spelling the word don;t.
The Busey Challenge is a concept I started after seeing an interview with actor and self proclaimed prophet Garry Busey in which he threatened to pull the reporter's endocrine system out of his body and use it as a hat. I then challenged myself and a few others to use this threat in an ordinary situation. The idea took off and then expanded to a face book group that you can find and join today:
That will be all except this video... and another one too.
Jacob Schmidt
-Busey enthusiast, squidbrain, and one man-wrecking crew
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Flying!
Both optimists and pessimists contribute to our society. The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist the parachute. ~Gil Stern
The Wright Brothers created the single greatest cultural force since the invention of writing. The airplane became the first World Wide Web, bringing people, languages, ideas, and values together. ~Bill Gates
Thank God men cannot fly, and lay waste the sky as well as the earth. ~Henry David Thoreau
Think about flying--it's nuts really. Here you are at about 40,000 feet, screaming along at 700 miles an hour and you're sitting there drinking Diet Pepsi and eating peanuts. It just doesn't make any sense. ~David Letterman
I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on. ~Jean Kerr
I think it is a pity to lose the romantic side of flying and simply to accept it as a common means of transport.... ~Amy Johnson
My soul is in the sky. ~William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream
The reason angels can fly is because they take themselves lightly. ~G.K. Chesterton, "Orthodoxy"
I always thought that my airplane conveyed a silent sermon. To the earthbound observer, its silhouette was the shape of the cross on which Jesus was crucified. ~E.R. Trimble
There is just one thing I can promise you about the outer-space program - your tax-dollar will go further. ~Werner von Braun
Aerodynamically the bumblebee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn't know that, so it goes on flying anyway. ~Mary Kay Ash
The Wright Brothers created the single greatest cultural force since the invention of writing. The airplane became the first World Wide Web, bringing people, languages, ideas, and values together. ~Bill Gates
Thank God men cannot fly, and lay waste the sky as well as the earth. ~Henry David Thoreau
Think about flying--it's nuts really. Here you are at about 40,000 feet, screaming along at 700 miles an hour and you're sitting there drinking Diet Pepsi and eating peanuts. It just doesn't make any sense. ~David Letterman
I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on. ~Jean Kerr
I think it is a pity to lose the romantic side of flying and simply to accept it as a common means of transport.... ~Amy Johnson
My soul is in the sky. ~William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream
The reason angels can fly is because they take themselves lightly. ~G.K. Chesterton, "Orthodoxy"
I always thought that my airplane conveyed a silent sermon. To the earthbound observer, its silhouette was the shape of the cross on which Jesus was crucified. ~E.R. Trimble
There is just one thing I can promise you about the outer-space program - your tax-dollar will go further. ~Werner von Braun
Aerodynamically the bumblebee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn't know that, so it goes on flying anyway. ~Mary Kay Ash
Flying
I did some flying this week.
"The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy has this to say on the subject of flying:
There is an art, it says, or rather, a knack to flying.
The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
Pick a nice day, it suggests, and try it.
The first part is easy.
All it requires is simply the ability to throw yourself forward with all your weight, and willingness not to mind that it's going to hurt.
That is, it's going to hurt if you fail to miss the ground.
Most people fail to miss the ground, and if they are really trying properly, the likelihood is that they will fail to miss it fairly hard.
Clearly, it is this second part, the missing, which presents the difficulties.
One problem is that you have to miss the ground accidentally. It's no good deliberately intending to miss the ground because you won't. You have to have your attention suddenly distracted by something else when you're halfway there, so that you are no longer thinking about falling, or about the ground, or about how much it's going to hurt if you fail to miss it.
It is notoriously difficult to prise your attention away from these three things during the split second you have at your disposal. Hence most people's failure, and their eventual disillusionment with this exhilarating and spectacular sport.
If, however, you are lucky enough to have your attention momentarily distracted at the crucial moment by, say, a gorgeous pair of legs (tentacles, pseudopodia, according to phyllum and/or personal inclination) or a bomb going off in your vicinity, or by suddenly spotting an extremely rare species of beetle crawling along a nearby twig, then in your astonishment you will miss the ground completely and remain bobbing just a few inches above it in what might seem to be a slightly foolish manner.
This is a moment for superb and delicate concentration.
Bob and float, float and bob.
Ignore all considerations of your own weight and simply let yourself waft higher.
Do not listen to what anybody says to you at this point because they are unlikely to say anything helpful.
They are most likely to say something along the lines of, 'Good God, you can't possibly be flying!'
It is vitally important not to believe them or they will suddenly be right.
Waft higher and higher.
Try a few swoops, gentle ones at first, then drift above the treetops breathing regularly.
DO NOT WAVE AT ANYBODY.
When you have done this a few times you will find the moment of distraction rapidly becomes easier and easier to achieve.
You will then learn all sorts of things about how to control your flight, your speed, your maneuverability, and the trick usually lies in not thinking too hard about whatever you want to do, but just allowing it to happen as if it was going to anyway.
You will also learn about how to land properly, which is something you will almost certainly mess up, and mess up badly, on your first attempt.
There are private flying clubs you can join which help you achieve the all-important moment of distraction. They hire people with surprising bodies or opinions to leap out from behind bushes and exhibit and/or explain them at the critical moments. Few genuine hitch-hikers will be able to afford to join these clubs, but some may be able to get temporary employment at them."
So what would distract you into flying? Leave your comments below.
-Travis Moore
Flying Squirrel
"The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy has this to say on the subject of flying:
There is an art, it says, or rather, a knack to flying.
The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
Pick a nice day, it suggests, and try it.
The first part is easy.
All it requires is simply the ability to throw yourself forward with all your weight, and willingness not to mind that it's going to hurt.
That is, it's going to hurt if you fail to miss the ground.
Most people fail to miss the ground, and if they are really trying properly, the likelihood is that they will fail to miss it fairly hard.
Clearly, it is this second part, the missing, which presents the difficulties.
One problem is that you have to miss the ground accidentally. It's no good deliberately intending to miss the ground because you won't. You have to have your attention suddenly distracted by something else when you're halfway there, so that you are no longer thinking about falling, or about the ground, or about how much it's going to hurt if you fail to miss it.
It is notoriously difficult to prise your attention away from these three things during the split second you have at your disposal. Hence most people's failure, and their eventual disillusionment with this exhilarating and spectacular sport.
If, however, you are lucky enough to have your attention momentarily distracted at the crucial moment by, say, a gorgeous pair of legs (tentacles, pseudopodia, according to phyllum and/or personal inclination) or a bomb going off in your vicinity, or by suddenly spotting an extremely rare species of beetle crawling along a nearby twig, then in your astonishment you will miss the ground completely and remain bobbing just a few inches above it in what might seem to be a slightly foolish manner.
This is a moment for superb and delicate concentration.
Bob and float, float and bob.
Ignore all considerations of your own weight and simply let yourself waft higher.
Do not listen to what anybody says to you at this point because they are unlikely to say anything helpful.
They are most likely to say something along the lines of, 'Good God, you can't possibly be flying!'
It is vitally important not to believe them or they will suddenly be right.
Waft higher and higher.
Try a few swoops, gentle ones at first, then drift above the treetops breathing regularly.
DO NOT WAVE AT ANYBODY.
When you have done this a few times you will find the moment of distraction rapidly becomes easier and easier to achieve.
You will then learn all sorts of things about how to control your flight, your speed, your maneuverability, and the trick usually lies in not thinking too hard about whatever you want to do, but just allowing it to happen as if it was going to anyway.
You will also learn about how to land properly, which is something you will almost certainly mess up, and mess up badly, on your first attempt.
There are private flying clubs you can join which help you achieve the all-important moment of distraction. They hire people with surprising bodies or opinions to leap out from behind bushes and exhibit and/or explain them at the critical moments. Few genuine hitch-hikers will be able to afford to join these clubs, but some may be able to get temporary employment at them."
So what would distract you into flying? Leave your comments below.
-Travis Moore
Flying Squirrel
Monday, May 3, 2010
Summertime!
Ramblings of a Relieved Student
For those who don’t know, I am now on vacation. I am terribly sorry that I have neglected all of you wonderful MASAPers these last few weeks. Finals are over and life can now be happy again! J One of the happy things in my life is watching my most favoritest TV show ever…Glee. I am so happy that others share in my enthusiasm and are even willing to show this in a public display of random dancing. I cannot tell you all how proud I am of my old hometown and how incredibly jealous I am that I was not there for this event. Please enjoy the following video and keep a watch out for the man in the blue shirt on his Bluetooth…he’s my favorite!
Well, I am off to enjoy the sun and my newly regained freedom!! Hope you all do the same.
Becka Wiser
Vice President. Also sun-soaking enthusiast.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Dora Impersonation!
There has been an important occurrence in recent days. It seems that someone has decided to try and imitate our beloved Dora the Explorer. This is an absolute mockery to Dora and her little friend Boots. We need to stand up for them and fight against this cheap imitation. Some people even mistake it for Dora, which is absolutely preposterous. I just want to encourage each of you to not fall for it. To help you recognize the difference between Dora and her imitation, I’ve included a video clip from the imitation so that you can learn to recognize and avoid it at all costs!
Jeff Yeager
Mr. President. Penguin lover.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Summer Goals
Travis' Summer Goals:
Learn to play the guitar
Play Ultimate Frisbee as often as possible
Skydive
Hike mountains
Get wicked tan
3 words: Strength training
Earn money
Throw parties. Throw people. Throw pillows. Throw pillows at the people at the parties.
Jump, Jive and Wail
Finish shooting and editing my thesis film
Write a feature-length screenplay
Date all the girls
Meet Julian Smith
Plant a garden. Tend the garden. Eat the garden.
Sell my car. Buy a plane.
Discover ancient ship ruin on SCUBA diving expedition
Re-enact as much of the Bourne Trilogy as possible
Play with thermite
Take naps on all the lawns
Trim my toenails
Don't get arrested this time
Read Jesus the Christ, The Book of Mormon, I Saw a Rocket Walk a Mile and that one book for my Sociology class
Start an underground resistance group
Start an aboveground resistance group
Find my list of goals from LAST Summer
Learn to play the guitar
Play Ultimate Frisbee as often as possible
Skydive
Hike mountains
Get wicked tan
3 words: Strength training
Earn money
Throw parties. Throw people. Throw pillows. Throw pillows at the people at the parties.
Jump, Jive and Wail
Finish shooting and editing my thesis film
Write a feature-length screenplay
Date all the girls
Meet Julian Smith
Plant a garden. Tend the garden. Eat the garden.
Sell my car. Buy a plane.
Discover ancient ship ruin on SCUBA diving expedition
Re-enact as much of the Bourne Trilogy as possible
Play with thermite
Take naps on all the lawns
Trim my toenails
Don't get arrested this time
Read Jesus the Christ, The Book of Mormon, I Saw a Rocket Walk a Mile and that one book for my Sociology class
Start an underground resistance group
Start an aboveground resistance group
Find my list of goals from LAST Summer
Monday, April 19, 2010
Much Ado About Nothing
alright ladies and gentlemen. listen up, cuz i got something to say!
i know that some of you have been disturbed about the lack of newsletters. to you, i am most sympathetic. i will now endeavor to explain myself, and to explain that you are making much ado about nothing.
when God created the earth, He did so in 6 days, or periods of time. no one ever suggested that they were 24 hours each. after all, a day is only 24 hours long when you are on earth, and God isn't from earth. what i'm trying to say is, MASAP is apparently a daily newsletter. this should not in any way suggest to your feeble mind that you will be hearing from us daily.
any questions?
also, i apologize if we have preconditioned you to this faulty supposition. i feel like pavlov ringing the bell at his dogs despite a dearth of dog food. in the future you will continue to hear from MASAP whenever we are on vacation. this might be daily for you, or daily for God. also it will probably be somewhere in between.
i love you, i care for you, and i vote for you.
Jeremy Moore
the Voter, who cares for and loves you. just like starfish loves you.
i know that some of you have been disturbed about the lack of newsletters. to you, i am most sympathetic. i will now endeavor to explain myself, and to explain that you are making much ado about nothing.
when God created the earth, He did so in 6 days, or periods of time. no one ever suggested that they were 24 hours each. after all, a day is only 24 hours long when you are on earth, and God isn't from earth. what i'm trying to say is, MASAP is apparently a daily newsletter. this should not in any way suggest to your feeble mind that you will be hearing from us daily.
any questions?
also, i apologize if we have preconditioned you to this faulty supposition. i feel like pavlov ringing the bell at his dogs despite a dearth of dog food. in the future you will continue to hear from MASAP whenever we are on vacation. this might be daily for you, or daily for God. also it will probably be somewhere in between.
i love you, i care for you, and i vote for you.
Jeremy Moore
the Voter, who cares for and loves you. just like starfish loves you.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Festival of Colors
For this newsletter, I’d like to tell you all about my weekend the other weekend. On Saturday the 27th, I had the opportunity to go to a festival. This wasn’t just any normal festival. This was the Festival of Colors.
Story Time
In India, the Hindus celebrate the coming of Spring with the Festival of Colors at the end of every March. They have a big festival about peace, love, and unity… and throw colored powder everywhere!
End of Story Time
I’d tell you the actual story of how it came to be, but I don’t remember it that well. Google it if you’d like.
So they also have a Hindu temple near here in Spanish Fork, Utah. So a friend and I decided to go. It was one of the best experiences I’ve ever had. We had a blast and were highly entertained. The culmination of the festival was when they had a countdown to zero. When the countdown was finished everyone threw their bags of colored powder into the air and the world became a cloud of colorful dust. To help everyone appreciate the coolness of this festival, I’ll include a few photos and even a video or two. Just remember the purpose of the festival, and try to emulate all of these things as MASAP members.
LOVE. PEACE. UNITY. FUN.
Here’s the video:
And of course, some pictures:
I hope you all go next year!
Jeff Yeager
Mr. President. Hippy. Peacemaker.
A Dilemma of the Ages
Besides the obvious dilemma of Toilet Paper
there are other questions of the soul that beg an answer. Here is one such question that I received from
Eric Campbell:
Scenario: A comet is about to smash into the earth killing everyone. Somehow you have the only way of destroying it and you do so, yet it uses all of your physical strength to accomplish the feat. There are cameras filming you as you destroy the comet. The whole world saw you save everyone. You're about to pass out form the strain you just put on your body. What catchy one liner would you say to the camera for everyone to hear? It will be the last sentence you ever utter. What would you say to the world?
Please leave your comments and valuables below.
-Travis Moore
Captain Obvious
there are other questions of the soul that beg an answer. Here is one such question that I received from
Eric Campbell:
Scenario: A comet is about to smash into the earth killing everyone. Somehow you have the only way of destroying it and you do so, yet it uses all of your physical strength to accomplish the feat. There are cameras filming you as you destroy the comet. The whole world saw you save everyone. You're about to pass out form the strain you just put on your body. What catchy one liner would you say to the camera for everyone to hear? It will be the last sentence you ever utter. What would you say to the world?
Please leave your comments and valuables below.
-Travis Moore
Captain Obvious
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Timothy Richman
Now you may have heard of Barack Obama. Most of you know Michael Sylvestre. And EVERYONE knows Faith Goimarac.
Now let me tell you about someone you have never heard, seen, touched, tasted, or smelled. This man is: Timothy Richman.
Before you continue, watch this brief history of his life:
Now despite an amazing childhood, he had a tragic adulthood. Mostly you hear of these amazing people that overcame terrible childhoods to have a successful adult life. Timothy is not one of these people. Timothy overcame an amazing childhood to have a really depressing adult life.
In the year 2000, Timothy got cancer. He discovered the cure, saving himself, but forgot how he did it, angering thousands of fellow cancer patients. A few years later, in 2004, he got tuberculosis. He saved himself by removing his left lung. In 2005, he fell in love, but during his nightly meditation, she died of loneliness. Despite repeated efforts, he could not bring her back from the dead. In a widely unpublicized event in 2006, he took a bullet at a target range, saving the target from being punctured. In the hospital, Timothy memorized the Encyclopedia Britannica (in its entirety) and also (even more remarkably) read the Marvelous Work and a Wonder series. Despite his wishes, Timothy is likely to live for at least 15 more years. He has considered several forms of suicide, eventually deciding against it, because in each case he knew exactly how to save himself. Lately Timothy has written several incredible sonatas, each more mournful than the last. It seems that his largest unhappiness has come from his recent realization that he cannot simultaneously play the cello and the flute, regardless of intensive sessions of toe flexibility training and indoctrination with all sorts of conspiracy theories.
In an interview with MASAP reporter Psymon Trout, Timothy issued a statement addressed to the children of the rising generation:
"don't do what i did. i started out as a kid, just trying to be better than the next guy. now i regret it. why couldn't i have just been satisfied with mediocrity like everyone else? i plead with you to be just regular children. play kickball or tag instead of standing on the sidelines (like i did) practicing brain surgery on myself. thats all i'm trying to say. don't memorize your biology textbook, the teacher doesn't want you to know more than she does!"
And with those wise words from Timothy Richman, we will conclude.
Jeremy Moore
-your voter, also krispy kreme doughnut eater.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Summer Lovin'
Well MASAPers, another day has come and gone. For those of us in school, school continues to consume our lives. Especially if you’re here at BYU, we have finals next week. What stress. But then it will be summer. How glorious. I’m quite excited. Although I will still be here at school, I will only be taking two classes and I will be able to fully enjoy the summer sun and the sports and activities that come along with it. One of my favorite sports (although I haven’t played it in years) is Baseball: the old American past time. In fact, today’s video comes from the world of Baseball. I’m sure many of you have seen this before. For those of you who haven’t, you’re in for a real treat.
So, hang on tight, finish out the school year, and then enjoy this summer with all your heart, might, mind, and strength!
Jeff Yeager
Mr. President. Summer Lover. Hippy.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Vacation time means MASAP time!!
Dearest Masappers,
Long has it been since I last had the privilege of addressing you. In the last 7 days much has changed, including the time. Some have wondered why MASAP went on vacation. That is an incorrect idea, statement and even notion. Some have wondered when MASAP would return from vacation. You have it all backwards.
"MASAP must be on vacation", echoes the clarion call from the mountains. False.
MASAP does not go on vacation. MASAP does occasionally, however, go to work, and that is precisely what happened. All major, minor and even diminished 7th writers and contributors went to work for one week. It was a surreal experience. Most usually our lives are wrapped up in only two things: writing daily newsletters when we're awake and blankets when we're asleep.
Now that we're back on vacation from work (which I've decided is very overrated after nearly a quarter-moon of experience) everything should be back to...how it used to be. Back in the day. Front in the night.
Love,
Travis
Retired CPA (Certified Public Accident)
Long has it been since I last had the privilege of addressing you. In the last 7 days much has changed, including the time. Some have wondered why MASAP went on vacation. That is an incorrect idea, statement and even notion. Some have wondered when MASAP would return from vacation. You have it all backwards.
"MASAP must be on vacation", echoes the clarion call from the mountains. False.
MASAP does not go on vacation. MASAP does occasionally, however, go to work, and that is precisely what happened. All major, minor and even diminished 7th writers and contributors went to work for one week. It was a surreal experience. Most usually our lives are wrapped up in only two things: writing daily newsletters when we're awake and blankets when we're asleep.
Now that we're back on vacation from work (which I've decided is very overrated after nearly a quarter-moon of experience) everything should be back to...how it used to be. Back in the day. Front in the night.
Love,
Travis
Retired CPA (Certified Public Accident)
Thursday, April 1, 2010
My Sad Little Happy Life
As a few of you may know, I've been experiencing strange physical symptoms for many years. Countless doctors and endless tests did nothing to diagnose my condition, and I felt helpless.
That all changed today. I'm grateful for MASAP and the medium it provides me to blog about my life, my ideas, my feelings and my Justin Bieber. And today you all have the unique opportunity to hear about my diagnosis, which, while terminal, is a welcome relief to the years of waiting, wondering and most of all: suffering.
I met with a special team of specialists at the BYU Health Clinic this morning and tested positive for awesome.
I'm awesome! Now I know why I've always been able to read minds. Now I know why I'm so incredibly talented at Ultimate Frisbee. No longer will I wonder who is the best Fugitive runner or hardcore Parkour enthusiast. The answer is me! Special talents such as
1) the ability to destroy Lynn Ellis' yard, backyard, interior house and self-esteem
2) eating 15 cadbury eggs in one sitting
3) being able to detect one part shark in one million parts air
4) knowing how to sing the National Anthem of every South American and African nation
5) vampire hunting skills
6) extreme clothes ironing capability
were all only possible because of my handicap!
Today is April Fool's Day. There was only one good April Fool's joke, and I gotta give the guy props. There we were in class, and the Professor suggested we play Simon Says. We all thought he was joking on this day of Jokes, but no, he was dead serious. We all stand up and he starts calling out commands. About halfway through the game (half the people had lost already and had left the classroom), the Professor grabs his chest with his hands and falls to the floor. Very good, professor, very good. Just try and get me to move from my position (which happened to be left foot green, right hand yellow and left hand Alycia's thyroid gland) to save you from your "heart attack". Imagine our surprise when he got all stiff and cold. That was awkward.
I don't have long to live. The Specialists said that someone with my condition has only a limited amount of time to live. Until then, don't follow me. I walk through walls.
Besides myself, you know what else is awesome? There's a new species of Penguin that was discovered that can actually FLY. Today's video is courtesy of Eric Moore from Jay's Bird Barn. Thanks for sending me this link dad! Oh yeah, the BBC helped out too.
-Travis Moore
Awesome.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Me and My Latrine
i'm sitting in class right now, trying really hard not to pay attention. the guy in front of me is wearing a pink shirt. for some reason its kind of bugging me. cuz its like i have to look past his pink shirt to see the board. and now my eyesight seems to have a tinge of pink regardless of what i look at. technically this should be less than bothersome. technically i have a history of pink-shirt-wearing.
on an entirely unrelated note, i spent most of last week drinking water. every hour, kendra black (bless her soul) sent me a text message reminding me to consume the bland liquid. i barely survived. also i found myself spending unprecedented amounts of time with my friend the latrine. we established a close friendship. then i stopped drinking water (it was my fault don't blame kendra). however, i have still wanted to talk to the latrine. i have had a really difficult time trying to come up with creative reasons to go into the bathroom without actually needing to use the toilet.
some of my creative methods have included:
1. bloody nose- i purposefully aggravated the pink-shirted guy and he punched me in the face. my nose started bleeding, giving me a reasonable excuse to talk to my latrine friend
2. CIA- i told my professor that i had to meet with a secret agent in a stall to discuss recent developments. when he gave me a questioning look, i flashed my badge.
3. bomb squad- in one of my previous bathroom visits, i replaced the fire alarm battery with an old depleted one, causing a consistent beep. this gave me the excuse to go back in, acting like i was part of a bomb squad.
4. fish- i made up a disease that doesn't exist, telling everyone in my class that i have gills and can only breathe underwater. then i hold my breath for a long time (like when i go to class) before going back for more air. then i went to the bathroom to talk to my latrine. unfortunately, someone followed me to see if i was for real, so i had to stick my head in the toilet and make 'breathing' sounds.
so you are probably wondering why have i stopped drinking water? good question. i'm boycotting it. i dislike water. especially for drinking. there are so many better things out there, but they are not provided free of charge. here is an idea: why can't rootbeer or orange juice come from the faucet and water be the thing you have to buy in the store?
as well as the obvious distasteful nature of water, there are other reasons water is bad. it hurts people. it lures them into all kinds of 'fun' water sports that often end in death, disfigurement, and disappointment.
see for yourself:
Jeremy Moore
-Anti-H2O campaign manager.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Dorito Slaps
Dear Masapers,
Today’s topic is very serious indeed. I’d like to start with our video, to show the absolutely severity of the situation.
Now kids, Doritos are not to be taken lightly. It is a very serious offense to steal someone else’s possessions, but stealing someone’s Doritos are worth a slap in the face. Please remember this warning the next time you are tempted to snatch your friend’s Doritos, because not only will you lose a friend, but you will also receive a slap in the face. Possibly by a young boy.
Becka Wiser
Vice President. Also protecting all MASAPers from slaps in the face.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Hacker update!
Agent Ace Mckenzi has located another Chinese hacker. He was hiding out in a cave in the Caribbean (luckily they get good wi-fi down there) and Ace stumbled upon him on one of his "fishing trips." Our agent was able to recognize him from the security pictures that were posted by the Voter. Ace then proceeded to take undercover pictures of the culprit at his home, and in the very act of hacking MASAP. Ace has since been put on company probation for taking pictures when he could have stopped the hacking.
-Jameson Schindler
Here is a test of your awareness to see if you can find more hackers:
A short while later the hacker was caught by Ace using one of his patented "bear snatcher" traps. A lengthy interrogation followed, where Ace was able to squeeze 2 words out of the hacker before the FBI located the man and took him away before he could really talk. The two words were... Fish Fry. Now our head code-crackers are working on finding an interpretation of the hacker's statement. We also ask for your strokes of inspiration regarding this finding.
-Jameson Schindler
Here is a test of your awareness to see if you can find more hackers:
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Google Opt-Out Program
A new program from Google has recently come to the attention of MASAP headquarters. This is good news. You can now hide from Internet Searches and Google Earth. However, the Google Opt-Out Program does not hide you from the all-searching eye of MASAP. Also, the eye of Sauron tends to be particularly intrusive.
Now that you have seen the official report, brought to us by the Onion News Network, I wish to give a few words about the Opt-Out Program.
1) Opter-Outers are Loser-Quitters.
2) The Onion is a premier source of all legitimate news.
3) MASAP (May All Sorcerers Apparate in the opt-out Program village). I personally believe that MASAP has the power to create a new Lord of the Rings style reality in the mountain village that Google has kindly created for us.
Also, do not forget to brush your teeth. Eric Frederic forgot to brush one night last week, and was thrown in the brink. Since then he has written me countless letters, just begging for a presidential pardon. I AM NOT THE PRESIDENT MR. FREDERIC. I'm just the guy who voted for the president. I do not have the authority to issue presidential pardons. I do not have authority to swat a fly that climbs into my can of orange soda. I do not have authority to pick my own nose, except at the command of Mr. President Yeager.
this is all.
-the Voter
Now that you have seen the official report, brought to us by the Onion News Network, I wish to give a few words about the Opt-Out Program.
1) Opter-Outers are Loser-Quitters.
2) The Onion is a premier source of all legitimate news.
3) MASAP (May All Sorcerers Apparate in the opt-out Program village). I personally believe that MASAP has the power to create a new Lord of the Rings style reality in the mountain village that Google has kindly created for us.
Also, do not forget to brush your teeth. Eric Frederic forgot to brush one night last week, and was thrown in the brink. Since then he has written me countless letters, just begging for a presidential pardon. I AM NOT THE PRESIDENT MR. FREDERIC. I'm just the guy who voted for the president. I do not have the authority to issue presidential pardons. I do not have authority to swat a fly that climbs into my can of orange soda. I do not have authority to pick my own nose, except at the command of Mr. President Yeager.
this is all.
-the Voter
Saturday, March 27, 2010
The Life of Jameson Schindler
So this newsletter is a bit different this week
I would like to let you in on my life
Good thing someone made a small video game of it!
Play it here, I'm sure you'll like it!
http://amanita-design.net/samorost-2/
Also a video of a world class contortionist...
I would like to let you in on my life
Good thing someone made a small video game of it!
Play it here, I'm sure you'll like it!
http://amanita-design.net/samorost-2/
Also a video of a world class contortionist...
Showdown: North Koreans vs. American Ninjas
It has come to our attention by means of one of our international spies that North Korea is planning to intimidate us with their advances in weapons technology. We've been informed that they made a short video to demonstrate their power. Our spy has also provided a copy of this video for our MASAP viewers. However, we've been asked to keep this video top secret, because North Korea is still unaware that their video has been stolen. So watch, enjoy, but DO NOT tell others about it:
I’m not too concerned about the Koreans attacking though. Luckily, we have our own force of ninjas here in America to defend us. They are so stealthy, we never actually even see them, but we know that they’re there, defending us from the evil threats in the world:
-Jeff Yeager
Mr. President. Ninja Enthusiast.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Tommy Handkerchief
Tom Hanks. Legendary actor. Movie producer. Weirdo.
Mr. Commander Billy Jim Lovell came and spoke to us on Tuesday. He claimed he was the commander of both the Apollo 8 and 13 missions.
As soon as I heard that I raised my eyebrows. To compensate, I also lowered my cholesterol. I remember in 9th grade I had a sleep over at Dan Reynolds house and we watched Apollo 13. Tom Hanks was clearly the commander of the Apollo 13 mission.
An atheist from Texas sued the government because the astronauts on Apollo 8 read the first 10 verses of Genesis Chapter 1 as they came from behind the moon and saw the earth "rise". Suing the government? People sue the government every day. Not very clever.
This guy is clever:
I like lawsuits. I've been sued 8 times; 4 times for property damage, twice for incredibly loud trumpet playing, and once each for "impersonating" a gargoyle and taking care of leprosy one life at a time.
I've never sued anyone, but there is someone I WANT to sue: Michael Murray. He takes all the girls.
-Travis Moore
Gargoyle
Mr. Commander Billy Jim Lovell came and spoke to us on Tuesday. He claimed he was the commander of both the Apollo 8 and 13 missions.
As soon as I heard that I raised my eyebrows. To compensate, I also lowered my cholesterol. I remember in 9th grade I had a sleep over at Dan Reynolds house and we watched Apollo 13. Tom Hanks was clearly the commander of the Apollo 13 mission.
An atheist from Texas sued the government because the astronauts on Apollo 8 read the first 10 verses of Genesis Chapter 1 as they came from behind the moon and saw the earth "rise". Suing the government? People sue the government every day. Not very clever.
This guy is clever:
I like lawsuits. I've been sued 8 times; 4 times for property damage, twice for incredibly loud trumpet playing, and once each for "impersonating" a gargoyle and taking care of leprosy one life at a time.
I've never sued anyone, but there is someone I WANT to sue: Michael Murray. He takes all the girls.
-Travis Moore
Gargoyle
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Hacker Arrest!
We have captured one of the hackers! Some of you are aware of the recent cyber attack that was perpetrated upon MASAP. The FBI captured him just as he was mounting his giant peach. They have not released the man for questioning, but luckily, they did release a photo, from which we have been able to recognize him as the very same Chinese man that attacked us on March 17th.
So the question is: why would anyone hack MASAP? Do they think we are the “Money Association So ‘Ack us Please”?
Next question: Why would the FBI deny our request to release him to us for questioning? Answer: We have no idea.
We tried lavishing them with gifts. 2.1 million dollars later, we were no further along. Even our invitation to the Saturday night buffet at the Panda Express was turned town.
We will continue to update you as time progresses. Also, look closely at the photos of our captured hacker. Please keep your eyes peeled, and inform me if you see any of his associates. They all look very similar.
-the Voter
Left, the image captured by our security cameras in MASAP Headquarters. Right, FBI released photo of our captured hacker.
So the question is: why would anyone hack MASAP? Do they think we are the “Money Association So ‘Ack us Please”?
Next question: Why would the FBI deny our request to release him to us for questioning? Answer: We have no idea.
We tried lavishing them with gifts. 2.1 million dollars later, we were no further along. Even our invitation to the Saturday night buffet at the Panda Express was turned town.
We will continue to update you as time progresses. Also, look closely at the photos of our captured hacker. Please keep your eyes peeled, and inform me if you see any of his associates. They all look very similar.
-the Voter
Left, the image captured by our security cameras in MASAP Headquarters. Right, FBI released photo of our captured hacker.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Nap Time!
Naps are incredibly wonderful things. Some of you may believe that it is indeed not suitable activity for a grown person. Alas, you are very wrong. But do not fret, for that is why I am writing this newsletter, so that you may acknowledge your false belief and correct it.
Naps were first invented by Father Time, because he discovered that his job was so exhausting that he needed some extra sleep throughout the day. These naps can occur at any point during the day and are extremely beneficial. Research has proven that napping for 20 minutes can help refresh the mind, improve overall alertness, boost mood and increase productivity, and may benefit the heart. However, you should be careful of where you choose to take your naps. For instance, naps during class are probably not the best idea and there has even been a Public Service Announcement about it.
You may also want to be wary of who you nap around; some may play pranks on you while you’re sleeping…
Masapers, I know that these videos may encourage you not to nap for fear of the tricks of others, but do not forget how important naps are. They are truly a great way to catch up on sleep, improve your mood, and make your heart healthier!
Becka Wiser
Vice President
Naps were first invented by Father Time, because he discovered that his job was so exhausting that he needed some extra sleep throughout the day. These naps can occur at any point during the day and are extremely beneficial. Research has proven that napping for 20 minutes can help refresh the mind, improve overall alertness, boost mood and increase productivity, and may benefit the heart. However, you should be careful of where you choose to take your naps. For instance, naps during class are probably not the best idea and there has even been a Public Service Announcement about it.
You may also want to be wary of who you nap around; some may play pranks on you while you’re sleeping…
Masapers, I know that these videos may encourage you not to nap for fear of the tricks of others, but do not forget how important naps are. They are truly a great way to catch up on sleep, improve your mood, and make your heart healthier!
Becka Wiser
Vice President
Monday, March 22, 2010
Women...
Gotta love them, but seriously...why do they have to be that way? Now all the girls are probably thinking, "What way?" Luckily, there is no such ambiguity with the men. They all know exactly what I mean.
Now I have been called a sexist pig. I have also been called a pig. I have also been called sexy. I am not sure if any of these sayings were related.
Go ahead and call me whatever you like. I will like it. And while we are talking about likes, let me tell you something I do not like.
I do not like when women are stereotypical. Because of the typical stereotypical woman, I stereotype all women, even the ones that are actually not stereotypical. I hope this is clear to you. Let me give you an example:
99% of women are a lot of fun. This is a stereotype. Also, no one minds if I use this stereotype. If I say women are fun, no one will throw bricks with angry messages through my window. However, what about the other 1%? Are they fun? No, they are not. They derive benefit from the other 99% of women, giving even incredibly un-fun girls a "fun" stereotype.
However, stereotypes are not always so positive. Example:
99% of women are
1. bad with technology,
2. impossible in all mechanical matters, and
3. terrible drivers.
Now in this case, when I go around and talk about the stereotypical female, the 1% that do not fit the stereotype become incredibly furious. To the point that they use their technological prowess to hang me upside down from a tree with a pulley and beat me with sticks while yelling "pinata!"
Now that isn't very nice. So I pose a question: Why don't they want to be part of the majority? The reason: These girls are the very same as the 1% of girls that are un-fun.
Everyone wants to be in the stereotype when it benefits them, right? Well you can't eat donuts without getting fat.
I dislike how I am forced to watch my back when using stereotypes. If I am a sexist, I'll be a sexy one! If I'm a pig, I'll wallow in the mire! If you are stereotypical, don't expect to be addressed as if you were something unique.
And to conclude: If you are this girl, Heaven help you:
Jeremy Moore
-the Voter
Now I have been called a sexist pig. I have also been called a pig. I have also been called sexy. I am not sure if any of these sayings were related.
Go ahead and call me whatever you like. I will like it. And while we are talking about likes, let me tell you something I do not like.
I do not like when women are stereotypical. Because of the typical stereotypical woman, I stereotype all women, even the ones that are actually not stereotypical. I hope this is clear to you. Let me give you an example:
99% of women are a lot of fun. This is a stereotype. Also, no one minds if I use this stereotype. If I say women are fun, no one will throw bricks with angry messages through my window. However, what about the other 1%? Are they fun? No, they are not. They derive benefit from the other 99% of women, giving even incredibly un-fun girls a "fun" stereotype.
However, stereotypes are not always so positive. Example:
99% of women are
1. bad with technology,
2. impossible in all mechanical matters, and
3. terrible drivers.
Now in this case, when I go around and talk about the stereotypical female, the 1% that do not fit the stereotype become incredibly furious. To the point that they use their technological prowess to hang me upside down from a tree with a pulley and beat me with sticks while yelling "pinata!"
Now that isn't very nice. So I pose a question: Why don't they want to be part of the majority? The reason: These girls are the very same as the 1% of girls that are un-fun.
Everyone wants to be in the stereotype when it benefits them, right? Well you can't eat donuts without getting fat.
I dislike how I am forced to watch my back when using stereotypes. If I am a sexist, I'll be a sexy one! If I'm a pig, I'll wallow in the mire! If you are stereotypical, don't expect to be addressed as if you were something unique.
And to conclude: If you are this girl, Heaven help you:
Jeremy Moore
-the Voter
Lesson in Self Defense
In our day and age, the world has become a perilous place indeed. We constantly hear about the violence and destruction that is happening every day. Take this video for example:
In a world like this, with violence of this caliber, we need to be able to defend ourselves. This means extensive training in self defense. Luckily for us, we have access to a basic self defense training video that contains all the information that we need to successfully defend ourselves:
Well, I hope you’ve all learned a valuable lesson today: Wrist control is key.
Jeff Yeager
Mr. President. Self Defense Master. Expert in Tactical Strikes.
In a world like this, with violence of this caliber, we need to be able to defend ourselves. This means extensive training in self defense. Luckily for us, we have access to a basic self defense training video that contains all the information that we need to successfully defend ourselves:
Well, I hope you’ve all learned a valuable lesson today: Wrist control is key.
Jeff Yeager
Mr. President. Self Defense Master. Expert in Tactical Strikes.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Dear Katie
An open letter to Katie Wilde:
Subj: I'm sorry that I secretly admire and wish to be like you, but your pick-up lines won't work on me; we can never be friends! You like fish, don't like twilight, and don't like my mother, who wrote the MASAP that changed my life.
I want to make myself perfectly clear: I admire you. You have a first and last name with 5 letters each. My last name is acceptable, but my first name has too many characters. Oh how I wish I could be like you and your agreeably symmetrical name!
Ever since I met you, I've held back a part of myself that I should have shared freely. I know this isn't the best way to tell you, but since we rarely see each other it must suffice.
I beg for your forgiveness. In fact, I grovel for it. I grovel before the illustrious Katie Wilde, captain of captains, woman of women, most mighty of the mighty, undisputed champion of the world! I grovel like the pitiful loser I am! I grovel like a guy who hasn't got a date the day before Prom and the only girl around is the head cheerleader, that's how much I grovel! I grovel like a groveler! One who is really really groveling! Oh Katie, most lively of all the Katie's I've ever met, I grovel like a video game addict trapped in arcade without a quarter, that's how much I grovel. You would not believe the depths of my grovelry! I grovel like a guy with a large order of fries and the only salt shaker is at the table of the school bully. I grovel like a MASAP addict without an internet connection. I grovel like an intergalactic hitchhiker without a towel, a Jim without a Pam and a Bob without his goldfish. I'm sorry, so so sorry, that I haven't told you this about me: I used to think I was a seagull. Please still love me?
There are three reasons why we could never be Facebook friends:
1) You believe in the string theory. The string theory is preposterous. For this alone we cannot be FB friends, or even real-life acquaintances for that matter.
2) I have a friend quota, and it is full. yes, that's right, 742 is the maximum. Sorry, no more room for friends! There's studies on that you know, about how many people we can be realistically expected to maintain relationships with. I can't just be friends with every goober Katie Wilde out there in the wide world.
3) What would people think if they knew about us? If we went public as friends on FB, people might begin to suspect the truth.
My favorite fish is none at all. Fish are gross. They're basically mercury with fins.
Twilight is aight. I read all the books. Didn't care at All for the first movie, and haven't bothered to see New Moon.
My mother's maiden name is Hall, like the room in your house. Did that just blow your mind? I bet you've never thought of the "hall" as a room. Well now you do! Think of it as a room the next time you walk down it.
On a side note, it's interesting that we walk THROUGH all the rooms in our house except for the hall, which we walk DOWN. Why in the world is that??? It's not the basement!!!
MASAP is an incredible collection of clever authors, wonderful videos and lovely interaction between like-minded people from all over the world. MASAP is both a FB group, a blog and a feeling in my heart. Who is MASAP? The world is our MASAP, and you should be too.
My favorite pickup line:
The Saltillo plant in Northern Mexico. They make Dodge Rams there.
Love you bye,
-Travis
Subj: I'm sorry that I secretly admire and wish to be like you, but your pick-up lines won't work on me; we can never be friends! You like fish, don't like twilight, and don't like my mother, who wrote the MASAP that changed my life.
I want to make myself perfectly clear: I admire you. You have a first and last name with 5 letters each. My last name is acceptable, but my first name has too many characters. Oh how I wish I could be like you and your agreeably symmetrical name!
Ever since I met you, I've held back a part of myself that I should have shared freely. I know this isn't the best way to tell you, but since we rarely see each other it must suffice.
I beg for your forgiveness. In fact, I grovel for it. I grovel before the illustrious Katie Wilde, captain of captains, woman of women, most mighty of the mighty, undisputed champion of the world! I grovel like the pitiful loser I am! I grovel like a guy who hasn't got a date the day before Prom and the only girl around is the head cheerleader, that's how much I grovel! I grovel like a groveler! One who is really really groveling! Oh Katie, most lively of all the Katie's I've ever met, I grovel like a video game addict trapped in arcade without a quarter, that's how much I grovel. You would not believe the depths of my grovelry! I grovel like a guy with a large order of fries and the only salt shaker is at the table of the school bully. I grovel like a MASAP addict without an internet connection. I grovel like an intergalactic hitchhiker without a towel, a Jim without a Pam and a Bob without his goldfish. I'm sorry, so so sorry, that I haven't told you this about me: I used to think I was a seagull. Please still love me?
There are three reasons why we could never be Facebook friends:
1) You believe in the string theory. The string theory is preposterous. For this alone we cannot be FB friends, or even real-life acquaintances for that matter.
2) I have a friend quota, and it is full. yes, that's right, 742 is the maximum. Sorry, no more room for friends! There's studies on that you know, about how many people we can be realistically expected to maintain relationships with. I can't just be friends with every goober Katie Wilde out there in the wide world.
3) What would people think if they knew about us? If we went public as friends on FB, people might begin to suspect the truth.
My favorite fish is none at all. Fish are gross. They're basically mercury with fins.
Twilight is aight. I read all the books. Didn't care at All for the first movie, and haven't bothered to see New Moon.
My mother's maiden name is Hall, like the room in your house. Did that just blow your mind? I bet you've never thought of the "hall" as a room. Well now you do! Think of it as a room the next time you walk down it.
On a side note, it's interesting that we walk THROUGH all the rooms in our house except for the hall, which we walk DOWN. Why in the world is that??? It's not the basement!!!
MASAP is an incredible collection of clever authors, wonderful videos and lovely interaction between like-minded people from all over the world. MASAP is both a FB group, a blog and a feeling in my heart. Who is MASAP? The world is our MASAP, and you should be too.
My favorite pickup line:
The Saltillo plant in Northern Mexico. They make Dodge Rams there.
Love you bye,
-Travis
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