A note on life

Apparently life is not as it would seem. Sometimes it is easy, sometimes difficult. Sometimes simple, sometimes confusing. Sometimes it is none of those things but is somewhere in between.

You may read this and say 'wow, he just took a whole paragraph to say nothing.' Or you may read and think to yourself, 'yup, I know exactly how that feels.' Either way I wish you my congratulations. You are correct. Pat yourself on the back and eat a doggie treat.

Now why would I write a note on life? Could it be because I am feeling contemplative? Could I just be having MASAP withdrawals? Is it possible that none of these things actually is an adequate explanation? Possibly.

To make a long story short, consider this recent correspondence I received:


Dear Highly Esteemed Voter!

How are you? One day last week, I was snacking on a barrelfull of tunafish when I suddenly felt the need to write you a letter. It was difficult to leave my tuna, and even more difficult to get your address! I had to ask Jeeves, and he didn't even want to tell me. Anyways, I handwrote this letter, and I'm hoping you can read my handwriting. I hope you can read it because I have some advice to ask from you. There is this girl that I really like, but I can't tell how she feels about me. Sometimes I think she wants me real bad, and other times its like she doesn't notice me. I just want to proclaim my love for her, perhaps through song and dance, but I am afraid she'll just think it is weird. What if she rejected me? I don't know if I could live with it.

Yours truly,
Tony Stunbucket


Now Masappers, I think this is something that has either happened or not happened to all of us, so I will publicly share my correspondence with all of you, in the hopes that Tony will benefit from my wisdom along with the rest of us.


Tony,

You seem torn up about this woman-that-should-not-be-named. I think I know who you are talking about and will keep her in strict confidence. It is pretty simple Tony. Either she loves you or she doesn't. If she doesn't love you, who knows, she may change her mind. On the flip side, she may not. The sad reality of life is that rarely do likes line up at the same time. Sometimes you may love a girl and she loves your best bud. Other times a girl loves you, and you love her sister (Awkward...). The fact is, when two people like each other at the same time, they get married or something. When you don't like each other you get divorced. Unless you weren't married, because then you can't get a divorce. What I am trying to say is that you can't let she-who-must-not-be-named get to you like this. The future will hold what the future holds. And the future is buff. It can hold all kinds of things, and it never needs to rest. For your sake, I hope the future can bench press every single dream you have. It is my pronkfully held belief that as Thomas Jefferson said, "All pronks living pronkfully within this land of pronk have the right and pronkfull duty to express themselves with pronk, in whichever pronking manner such pronk pronkingly pronks pronkfully pronkify them to pronk."

Good luck to you!
-the Voter