Strawberries

What are strawberries? An ingredient in a certain type of shortcake? A lump of organic mass that can be either thrown or eaten? An evidence of our 3-D world? A reason for China's recent cyber attack?

Well, according to a certain Daniel Boggs of Prescott, Arizona, they are a nuisance. Is it because of their scrumptious taste or because of their potential use as an alternative fuel? No. It is for none of these reasons. Daniel finds their texture repulsive. A textile expert, Daniel Boggs likes words that sound like textile. Texture is one of these words. Because of the similarity in the phonology of these two otherwise unrelated words, Daniel Boggs began focusing on the textures of the foods that he ate. Quickly, he discovered that he had an eternal hatred of all fruits. But of all textural concerns, the fruit that was the most repulsive was the strawberry. On a side note, it is not even a coincidence that Hitler's all-time favorite fruit was the strawberry. He usually liked to have it with cream or sugar, and took millions of Reichsmarks away from his war machine to supply his dogs with an adequate daily diet of strawberries and cream. But that is beside the point.

Because of Mr. Bogg's influence in the textile world, millions were beginning to boycott the strawberry industry. Fearful of the longterm equilibrium levels of this leftward demand shift, the prominent Swanton Berry Farm of Davenport CA, took it upon themselves to hire Coldplay to write a song about strawberries to release with their album, "Viva la Vida." The Swanton farm furthermore commissioned the English alternative band to make a music video to accompany the song, in an effort to change the sinking public opinion of Strawberries. This was the result of Coldplay's work:




So far there are no official reports citing an increase of strawberry demand since this massive joint undertaking of Coldplay and Swanton Berry Farm.

Maybe the raspy, unmelodic voice of Daniel Boggs speaks louder than Coldplay's Chris Martin.

-the Voter