*** MASAP ***: Living through Velociprator Attacks

Dear Fellow MASAPers,

My name is Ace McKenzi, I come to you as the man who conquered all bees--by punching them all in the face. Anyways... in these difficult times I feel the need to inform you of a very real and dangerous danger. Velociraptor attacks. With all the advances in technology it is only a matter of time until we mass produce dinosaurs in factories. As soon as these dinosaurs are cloned there is even less time until they reach the mainland and attack. Armed with my trusty notepad and paint, i will share my knowledge on how to survive a velociraptor attack (or VA).

Rule # 1
You will see the attack coming. The velociraptor's greatest weakness is its arrogance. They most definitely will not VA you when you least expect it. They like to give you subtle hints so that when you get bit in the neck, you say "Ah crade... velociraptor, i knew it... guughthaas." These hints usually come in the form of a rustle in the bush, a distant screech, or the ever so popular silhouette behind a semi-fogged window.

Rule # 2
They always attack in groups. This is because Velociraptors are team players. As shown in the drawing, they first send out their "front man." Usually he will be faking an injury, acting distracted, or pretending to be talking business on his cell phone. This is just a decoy, the others are in the nearest bushes or cardboard boxes.

Rule # 3
Strike first, but in the right direction. The hiding VA is waiting for you to do one of two things: 1) attack the "front man" or 2) run away. What they least expect is for you to attack the nearest bushes. This is your best plan of action as you can usually take out one or two before they know what is going on.

Rule # 4
Run away and repeat this process. VA's always happen in the exact same way. Just wait for the front man to present himself again and this time go for the cardboard boxes.

So remember MASAPers, constant vigilance!

on an related note... here is a video of my cousin illustrating Rule # 2