Awkward Moment

First things first: A recent newsletter spoke about how we all suffer from the disease of aging, that no one is free from this disease. I would like to clarify: I am free from this disease and therefore do not age. I am the sole exception to this epidemic (other than vampires, but they aren’t really human anyways). Now that I have that off my chest, let me move on to more important matters. Also, we have a very important addition by Jameson Schindler at the end of this newsletter. A matter of life or death, survival or defeat.

Today I feel the need to talk about a certain subject. This is a subject which has been plaguing my mind as of recently. When I say plaguing, I mean that it has been a very present and constant thing in my life. The subject of which I desire to speak? Awkwardness. It would probably be better to have Kat, the awkward member of the board, speak on this, but I feel like I have had a plethora of awkward experiences lately. Perhaps she will have some input after reading my newsletter.

First of all, I’d like to speak of this last week. Guys, I’m pretty sure we’ve all been in this situation (and girls, vice versa). You run into a girl that you like, and you try to have a little conversation. It becomes extremely awkward because you try to think desperately of something to say and then you say something stupid and absurd.

This is what happened to me this week.

I was walking to work when a (cute) girl that I met recently ran up to me to say hi. I said hello and then we both just stood there… silent… with absolutely nothing to say. So me, trying to start a conversation, started asking questions, like “How were your classes?”, “Where are you going?”, and “Do you have any plans tonight?”, but none of these questions seemed to start up any real conversation (each one was followed by a brief answer, and then more awkward silence). So after the last question, she answered that she was going somewhere at 5, but after that she’d be at her apartment all night. So me, being the genius, awkward person that I am (Kat can probably testify to that), I said “Well, I’ll probably be busy tonight, but if I’m not, I’ll call you,” and then we parted ways. Now, just reading that may not seem too awkward, but just add that awkward atmosphere that you have all experienced, and let your imaginations wander. It was the most awkward situation I’ve had in a very, very long time.

To help you all get that awkward situation feeling in your heads, here is a video that describes the situation that I was in (the general mood that is). The only differences are that my conversation was with a girl (making it even more awkward) and the last 30 seconds of the video didn’t apply to our situation.



In other news, and this is probably much more important than relationships. In fact, with this knowledge that you are about to receive, you will acquire the skills to survive in the wild. The show Man vs. Wild is nothing compared to this simple knowledge, and it is brought to you by our very own Jameson Schindler, who’s greatest accomplishments include punching every bee in the face and this vital skill that he is about to reveal to you all:





Also, Jason Bourne is the second way to kill a moose with your bare hands.

Jeff Yeager
Mr. President. The Hegemon. Also, Member of the Board.