It is a wonderful fruit. The more you eat, the more you are full of Vitamin D. Also, milk has led to great advertisements with milk mustaches, the idea being that when you are young it is hard to grow a real mustache. Luckily, milk mustaches are very cheap and come at the sacrifice of the world's cows, allowing children everywhere to experience the mustache look at a young age. The cows are not properly compensated for their loss, but who said it is a fair world? At least you are not the cow.
Milk has led to the invention of cheese. It was a complete accident. One day while a farmer was angrily shouting at his wife while stirring the milk. he was trying to get an equal consistency throughout, but in his anger, he ended up churning it. Scooping off the thick stuff at the top, he didn't know what to do with it, and left it in a remote kitchen corner until it slightly went bad. luckily, there was some good lactobacilli hanging out in that corner, and it turned into the world's first cheese.
this invention also gave the farmer an excuse to yell at his wife more often.
milk also has created many jobs. milkmen for one. also, jobs for the photographers that take pictures of celebrities with milk mustaches.
recently the last milkman passed away at the age of 92. no one has tried to take his place. this video was made as a tribute to all milkmen, dead and alive.
with love,
-the Voter.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Girls.
girls. for men, these creatures tend to bring our greatest joy and comfort, as well as our greatest failure, loss, and heartache.
with all of the time and energy we spend trying to understand and relate to each other, you would think we'd be successful.
why is it that girls and guys just can't seem to get along. were we fated to misunderstand each other eternally? i mean, even married couples have told me that they haven't begun to understand the members of the opposite sex!
sometimes, it seems to me that we put up with a whole lot of failure and heartache in the vain hope that someday we will find 'that one true love.' now don't get me wrong, i'm not against the idea of beautiful princesses and knights in shining armor. but the probability seems low.
i mean, i've been to the ocean. but i didn't see ariel. i've been to castles, but i never saw belle or rapunzel. i've seen a lot of carpets, but none that could fly. and overall, my hopes of 'a whole new world' have dwindled.
perhaps my story will turn out more like shrek's. you know, everything started out great. he was an ugly guy, even an ogre, but he found himself a beautiful girl. a good girl too! but eventually her association with him turned her ugly. what a shame!
also, with all of this talk i may have depressed you. if so, i do not apologize. sometimes reality does not deserve an apology. also, perhaps i have said something you didn't agree with. that is why there is room for comments after the newsletter.
luckily, because i have warned you, you have no reason to have high hopes. this should help you considerably, because you will not have disappointments.
as they say, shoot for the stars. that way if you miss, you might hit the moon. you get the picture.
-the Voter.
with all of the time and energy we spend trying to understand and relate to each other, you would think we'd be successful.
why is it that girls and guys just can't seem to get along. were we fated to misunderstand each other eternally? i mean, even married couples have told me that they haven't begun to understand the members of the opposite sex!
sometimes, it seems to me that we put up with a whole lot of failure and heartache in the vain hope that someday we will find 'that one true love.' now don't get me wrong, i'm not against the idea of beautiful princesses and knights in shining armor. but the probability seems low.
i mean, i've been to the ocean. but i didn't see ariel. i've been to castles, but i never saw belle or rapunzel. i've seen a lot of carpets, but none that could fly. and overall, my hopes of 'a whole new world' have dwindled.
perhaps my story will turn out more like shrek's. you know, everything started out great. he was an ugly guy, even an ogre, but he found himself a beautiful girl. a good girl too! but eventually her association with him turned her ugly. what a shame!
also, with all of this talk i may have depressed you. if so, i do not apologize. sometimes reality does not deserve an apology. also, perhaps i have said something you didn't agree with. that is why there is room for comments after the newsletter.
luckily, because i have warned you, you have no reason to have high hopes. this should help you considerably, because you will not have disappointments.
as they say, shoot for the stars. that way if you miss, you might hit the moon. you get the picture.
-the Voter.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Hello
Today i want to talk about the variant forms of Hello. One of the common ones is 'hi.' equally well-known is the famous 'hey.'
one thing i learned in Africa is that when learning a foreign language, people tend to learn only one way to say things. This was evident in my learning of sesotho, and also applies to the basotho people who were learning english.
I will start with myself.
Though there is more than one way to say 'hello' in sesotho, the one that i learned and always used was the general 'Lumela.' I never had much variation in my speech. But think about it, that would be pretty weird if we always said 'hello' and never said 'hi' or 'hey.'
but when the basotho spoke english, they did a similar thing. they only said 'hello,' never 'hi.' but what was even more interesting was the phrase 'how are you.' when the basotho said hello, they always followed by asking, 'how are you?' but the only answer that they knew to give was 'fine and you.'
eg.
me: hello, how are you?
ntate: fine and you?
every. single. time.
i'm pretty sure that the children thought that 'fine and you' was some kind of long word--something like "fineandyou."
i had fun with it, often thinking of unique things to say. then when people asked me, 'how are you?' i could respond with unique and innovative things like, 'good,' 'great,' 'not too shabby,' 'fantastic,' 'wonderful,' 'just dandy,' 'super,' and 'totally awesome dude, thanks for asking.'
well, my responses were shocking. sometimes i was misunderstood. apparently because i did not say the usual, 'fine and you,' i was somehow sick, and had need of a doctor.
but i don't blame them for not understanding. after all, i sometimes said stupid things, both in english and sotho.
in mafikeng, when you say you are 'doing the wash' you mean that you are washing clothes. everyone washes their clothes by hand. however, when you say you are 'washing' you usually refer to bathing, or washing your body.
when we would meet people that were busy, we would try to help them with their duties, whether it was gardening, cleaning the house, washing the dishes, or whatever.
so one time, this lady told me she was busy washing. i responded, 'can i help you?' she looked really confused, so i repeated myself: 'can i help you?'
only later did i realize, i'd offered to help her bathe.
thats all for now folks...
-the Voter.
one thing i learned in Africa is that when learning a foreign language, people tend to learn only one way to say things. This was evident in my learning of sesotho, and also applies to the basotho people who were learning english.
I will start with myself.
Though there is more than one way to say 'hello' in sesotho, the one that i learned and always used was the general 'Lumela.' I never had much variation in my speech. But think about it, that would be pretty weird if we always said 'hello' and never said 'hi' or 'hey.'
but when the basotho spoke english, they did a similar thing. they only said 'hello,' never 'hi.' but what was even more interesting was the phrase 'how are you.' when the basotho said hello, they always followed by asking, 'how are you?' but the only answer that they knew to give was 'fine and you.'
eg.
me: hello, how are you?
ntate: fine and you?
every. single. time.
i'm pretty sure that the children thought that 'fine and you' was some kind of long word--something like "fineandyou."
i had fun with it, often thinking of unique things to say. then when people asked me, 'how are you?' i could respond with unique and innovative things like, 'good,' 'great,' 'not too shabby,' 'fantastic,' 'wonderful,' 'just dandy,' 'super,' and 'totally awesome dude, thanks for asking.'
well, my responses were shocking. sometimes i was misunderstood. apparently because i did not say the usual, 'fine and you,' i was somehow sick, and had need of a doctor.
but i don't blame them for not understanding. after all, i sometimes said stupid things, both in english and sotho.
in mafikeng, when you say you are 'doing the wash' you mean that you are washing clothes. everyone washes their clothes by hand. however, when you say you are 'washing' you usually refer to bathing, or washing your body.
when we would meet people that were busy, we would try to help them with their duties, whether it was gardening, cleaning the house, washing the dishes, or whatever.
so one time, this lady told me she was busy washing. i responded, 'can i help you?' she looked really confused, so i repeated myself: 'can i help you?'
only later did i realize, i'd offered to help her bathe.
thats all for now folks...
-the Voter.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Revelation on Dinosaurs
A breaking news update will be the source of todays newsletter. This is hot off the press at the Onion News Network:
Paleontologists: 'We've Been Looking At Dinosaurs Upside Down'
In a paradigm-shattering revelation that has shocked the scientific community, paleontologists from the Utah Geological Survey offered definitive proof Wednesday that, for the past 175 years, everyone has been looking at dinosaur fossils upside down. "How they moved, what their appendages were for, we were wrong about everything," said Dr. Brian Kirch, explaining that new evidence indicates the animals slid along on what was once believed to be their backs. "Basically they scooted around by grabbing nearby vines with their mouths and pulling their bodies. Almost like a snake. What we used to think were legs were actually big flippers that flapped about in the air, driving them forward. Incredible." Kirch told reporters that when you think about it, paleontology makes a lot more sense now.
source: http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/paleontologists_weve_been
be sure to use fed ex!
-Psymon
Paleontologists: 'We've Been Looking At Dinosaurs Upside Down'
In a paradigm-shattering revelation that has shocked the scientific community, paleontologists from the Utah Geological Survey offered definitive proof Wednesday that, for the past 175 years, everyone has been looking at dinosaur fossils upside down. "How they moved, what their appendages were for, we were wrong about everything," said Dr. Brian Kirch, explaining that new evidence indicates the animals slid along on what was once believed to be their backs. "Basically they scooted around by grabbing nearby vines with their mouths and pulling their bodies. Almost like a snake. What we used to think were legs were actually big flippers that flapped about in the air, driving them forward. Incredible." Kirch told reporters that when you think about it, paleontology makes a lot more sense now.
source: http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/paleontologists_weve_been
be sure to use fed ex!
-Psymon
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Note to the Weather
Dear Weather,
I have underestimated the power of plummeting water.
It is interesting to view human responses to spitting rain and snow. Here are a few of my observations:
-Some people have scowls on their faces as the wind drives itchy snowflakes into their eyeballs.
-Eyelashes only prevent 7% of snowflakes from entering your eyes.
-Many people walk under building overhangs or simply through buildings instead of around them, doing all they can to minimize their time spent under the gray sky.
-Calico cat finds shelter under the stone benches surrounding the SWKT, but would rather get wet running from bench to bench than let people get too close, even when they gently entreat, "Its OK kitty, come here!"
-People actually use umbrellas. This fascinated me. I think umbrellas are pretty useless. If you're planning on being exposed to the weather for a significant duration (say if you're hiking Mt. Humphreys during a monsoon thunderstorm), then sure, make some effort to stay dry. Wear a poncho. It's an incredibly unique experience as lightning dances in the sky around you. Fact: Plastic Ponchos predict lightning. Your poncho will begin to crackle as the static electricity in the air builds up, and will then stop crackling as 300 kilovolts of energy transfers from one cloud to another. To best experience this phenomenon, hang out above the tree-line on bare, exposed rock during a thunderstorm with your Boy Scout troop. Back to topic: If you're walking around campus, stop. Why would you walk in a circle?
-When people use umbrellas in densely populated areas, there are two significant negative results. Number One: pedestrian traffic is hindered, and available surface area for moving about is cut in half by every umbrella-wielding wuss. Seriously, have you ever considered how much space an umbrella takes up? I was walking around campus today and observed that already dense concentrations of pedestrians became even more congested because of huge space-consuming umbrellas. Number Two: People holding umbrellas pose significant risk to unarmed (unumbrella'd) persons. An umbrella has a minimum of 7 pointy metal edges positioned at eye level, directed outward at anyone and everyone. Scary!
-Some people genuinely enjoy rain and snow. I noticed several people with wet clothing and snow-capped hair smiling and enjoying the skydiving flakes striking them from above.
Jeremy will now add a few words.
kiwi, bodacious, green, pygmy. also, plethora.
-Travis "Thomas" Moore
I have underestimated the power of plummeting water.
It is interesting to view human responses to spitting rain and snow. Here are a few of my observations:
-Some people have scowls on their faces as the wind drives itchy snowflakes into their eyeballs.
-Eyelashes only prevent 7% of snowflakes from entering your eyes.
-Many people walk under building overhangs or simply through buildings instead of around them, doing all they can to minimize their time spent under the gray sky.
-Calico cat finds shelter under the stone benches surrounding the SWKT, but would rather get wet running from bench to bench than let people get too close, even when they gently entreat, "Its OK kitty, come here!"
-People actually use umbrellas. This fascinated me. I think umbrellas are pretty useless. If you're planning on being exposed to the weather for a significant duration (say if you're hiking Mt. Humphreys during a monsoon thunderstorm), then sure, make some effort to stay dry. Wear a poncho. It's an incredibly unique experience as lightning dances in the sky around you. Fact: Plastic Ponchos predict lightning. Your poncho will begin to crackle as the static electricity in the air builds up, and will then stop crackling as 300 kilovolts of energy transfers from one cloud to another. To best experience this phenomenon, hang out above the tree-line on bare, exposed rock during a thunderstorm with your Boy Scout troop. Back to topic: If you're walking around campus, stop. Why would you walk in a circle?
-When people use umbrellas in densely populated areas, there are two significant negative results. Number One: pedestrian traffic is hindered, and available surface area for moving about is cut in half by every umbrella-wielding wuss. Seriously, have you ever considered how much space an umbrella takes up? I was walking around campus today and observed that already dense concentrations of pedestrians became even more congested because of huge space-consuming umbrellas. Number Two: People holding umbrellas pose significant risk to unarmed (unumbrella'd) persons. An umbrella has a minimum of 7 pointy metal edges positioned at eye level, directed outward at anyone and everyone. Scary!
-Some people genuinely enjoy rain and snow. I noticed several people with wet clothing and snow-capped hair smiling and enjoying the skydiving flakes striking them from above.
Jeremy will now add a few words.
kiwi, bodacious, green, pygmy. also, plethora.
-Travis "Thomas" Moore
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Irish Bank Robbery
Today I have a story to tell you all. It is the story of an irish bank robber.
An armed, hooded robber bursts into the Bank of Ireland and forces the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door with the loot, one brave Irish customer grabs the hood and pulls it off, revealing the robber's face.
The robber shoots the guy without hesitation.
He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him. One of the tellers is looking straight at him, and the robber shoots him, too. Everyone, by now, is very scared and looking down at the floor. "Did anyone else see me face?", calls the robber.
There are a few moments silence, then one elderly gent, looking down, tentatively raises his hand, clears his throat and says, "I think my wife over there might have caught a wee glimpse."
Ok, seriously?
Guys, please don’t do that to your wife. Try to work through your problems instead of trying to eliminate the perceived source of your woes.
On another note, this is one of the funniest videos I’ve ever seen. For any of you who have seen the original Star Wars, you’ll appreciate this. I was pretty much dying of laughter.
An armed, hooded robber bursts into the Bank of Ireland and forces the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door with the loot, one brave Irish customer grabs the hood and pulls it off, revealing the robber's face.
The robber shoots the guy without hesitation.
He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him. One of the tellers is looking straight at him, and the robber shoots him, too. Everyone, by now, is very scared and looking down at the floor. "Did anyone else see me face?", calls the robber.
There are a few moments silence, then one elderly gent, looking down, tentatively raises his hand, clears his throat and says, "I think my wife over there might have caught a wee glimpse."
Ok, seriously?
Guys, please don’t do that to your wife. Try to work through your problems instead of trying to eliminate the perceived source of your woes.
On another note, this is one of the funniest videos I’ve ever seen. For any of you who have seen the original Star Wars, you’ll appreciate this. I was pretty much dying of laughter.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Ninjas
My fellow masappers,
You have now been prepared for zombie attacks, robot invasions, and
the dangers of love. You have not, however, been prepared for the
most feared being of all: Ninjas.
Here are the five key facts you need to know about ninjas:
1. Anyone can become a ninja. Even cats can become ninjas. Don't believe me?
proof:
2. Ninjas are unspeakable violent. They speak Japanese and do
whatever they please. Also, they vacation in Ireland.
proof:
3. Ninjas are more deadly than velociraptors. Dwight Schrute even says so.
proof:
4. Ninjas are great at vanishing. Batman? Not so much.
proof:
5. Ninjas are everywhere. In fact, your mother, neighbor, and dog may
be ninjas.
proof: Have you ever met a ninja? Yes? There you go. No? Of course you
haven't. They're really good at being stealthy!
Yours until the ninjas attack,
Cait the Great
You have now been prepared for zombie attacks, robot invasions, and
the dangers of love. You have not, however, been prepared for the
most feared being of all: Ninjas.
Here are the five key facts you need to know about ninjas:
1. Anyone can become a ninja. Even cats can become ninjas. Don't believe me?
proof:
2. Ninjas are unspeakable violent. They speak Japanese and do
whatever they please. Also, they vacation in Ireland.
proof:
3. Ninjas are more deadly than velociraptors. Dwight Schrute even says so.
proof:
4. Ninjas are great at vanishing. Batman? Not so much.
proof:
5. Ninjas are everywhere. In fact, your mother, neighbor, and dog may
be ninjas.
proof: Have you ever met a ninja? Yes? There you go. No? Of course you
haven't. They're really good at being stealthy!
Yours until the ninjas attack,
Cait the Great
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Living through Velociprator Attacks
Dear Fellow MASAPers,
My name is Ace McKenzi, I come to you as the man who conquered all bees--by punching them all in the face. Anyways... in these difficult times I feel the need to inform you of a very real and dangerous danger. Velociraptor attacks. With all the advances in technology it is only a matter of time until we mass produce dinosaurs in factories. As soon as these dinosaurs are cloned there is even less time until they reach the mainland and attack. Armed with my trusty notepad and paint, i will share my knowledge on how to survive a velociraptor attack (or VA).
Rule # 1
You will see the attack coming. The velociraptor's greatest weakness is its arrogance. They most definitely will not VA you when you least expect it. They like to give you subtle hints so that when you get bit in the neck, you say "Ah crade... velociraptor, i knew it... guughthaas." These hints usually come in the form of a rustle in the bush, a distant screech, or the ever so popular silhouette behind a semi-fogged window.
Rule # 2
They always attack in groups. This is because Velociraptors are team players. As shown in the drawing, they first send out their "front man." Usually he will be faking an injury, acting distracted, or pretending to be talking business on his cell phone. This is just a decoy, the others are in the nearest bushes or cardboard boxes.
Rule # 3
Strike first, but in the right direction. The hiding VA is waiting for you to do one of two things: 1) attack the "front man" or 2) run away. What they least expect is for you to attack the nearest bushes. This is your best plan of action as you can usually take out one or two before they know what is going on.
Rule # 4
Run away and repeat this process. VA's always happen in the exact same way. Just wait for the front man to present himself again and this time go for the cardboard boxes.
So remember MASAPers, constant vigilance!
on an related note... here is a video of my cousin illustrating Rule # 2
you should probably watch it at least four or five times... you'll see why, it gets funnier each time.
--Ace McKenzi
My name is Ace McKenzi, I come to you as the man who conquered all bees--by punching them all in the face. Anyways... in these difficult times I feel the need to inform you of a very real and dangerous danger. Velociraptor attacks. With all the advances in technology it is only a matter of time until we mass produce dinosaurs in factories. As soon as these dinosaurs are cloned there is even less time until they reach the mainland and attack. Armed with my trusty notepad and paint, i will share my knowledge on how to survive a velociraptor attack (or VA).
Rule # 1
You will see the attack coming. The velociraptor's greatest weakness is its arrogance. They most definitely will not VA you when you least expect it. They like to give you subtle hints so that when you get bit in the neck, you say "Ah crade... velociraptor, i knew it... guughthaas." These hints usually come in the form of a rustle in the bush, a distant screech, or the ever so popular silhouette behind a semi-fogged window.
Rule # 2They always attack in groups. This is because Velociraptors are team players. As shown in the drawing, they first send out their "front man." Usually he will be faking an injury, acting distracted, or pretending to be talking business on his cell phone. This is just a decoy, the others are in the nearest bushes or cardboard boxes.
Rule # 3
Strike first, but in the right direction. The hiding VA is waiting for you to do one of two things: 1) attack the "front man" or 2) run away. What they least expect is for you to attack the nearest bushes. This is your best plan of action as you can usually take out one or two before they know what is going on.
Rule # 4
Run away and repeat this process. VA's always happen in the exact same way. Just wait for the front man to present himself again and this time go for the cardboard boxes.
So remember MASAPers, constant vigilance!
on an related note... here is a video of my cousin illustrating Rule # 2
you should probably watch it at least four or five times... you'll see why, it gets funnier each time.
--Ace McKenzi
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Dear Sister
Oh yes. masappers, this is a momentous occasion. our dear president has invited me, your Voter, to co-write today's newsletter.
also, i would like to give an introduction to him and his dear sister. president yeager is a man of high moral character. elected back in 1992, (during the inception phase of masap) he has served as our president since that time. reelected in 1996, 2000, 2004, and 2008, president yeager is now serving his fifth term. luckily for us, he is still with us.
unfortunately, his dear sister is no longer with us. in an unfortunate accident back in 2005, mr. yeager, michael sylvestre and I ended up engaging in some kind of real-time mortal kombat. this event escalated into the death of the president's sister.
our dear deceased sister was a virtuous young woman, with an easy smile, a quick wit, and a PhD. this is now the 5th anniversary of her death. In commemoration of her death, President Yeager commissioned Saturday Night Live to produce a film of the events leading up to her death. This true story is preserved to us today. Keep in mind that this is a true story, albeit played by fictional characters:
Now, i would like to turn the time over to president yeager for his thoughts and insights.
Hi everyone. I feel like I need to explain what happened more thoroughly. As administrators of MASAP, we had decided to have this event of mortal combat. However, we had all decided beforehand to wear bullet-proof vests, so that we would all be able to enjoy shooting each other, while still surviving. I submit as proof of this, the fact that after being shot, we were still able to shoot the others that walked in. Somehow, my sister missed the memo to wear a vest, and as a result, when we shot her, we really shot her. True story. Luckily, the police officers also had their vests on, too. They survived.
Well, everyone, I'm grateful to the voter for being willing to do this joint newsletter with me. It was an enlightening experience. I hope everyone learned something valuable from today's newsletter. For example, make sure that everyone that participates in a gun fight for fun is wearing a bullet-proof vest. If not, you will probably regret it. Also, we would like to thank Shia LeBeouf for being Michael Sylvestre in the video. No one else would do it, and then Shia came along and did it for free!
This is your President and Voter signing off!
also, i would like to give an introduction to him and his dear sister. president yeager is a man of high moral character. elected back in 1992, (during the inception phase of masap) he has served as our president since that time. reelected in 1996, 2000, 2004, and 2008, president yeager is now serving his fifth term. luckily for us, he is still with us.
unfortunately, his dear sister is no longer with us. in an unfortunate accident back in 2005, mr. yeager, michael sylvestre and I ended up engaging in some kind of real-time mortal kombat. this event escalated into the death of the president's sister.
our dear deceased sister was a virtuous young woman, with an easy smile, a quick wit, and a PhD. this is now the 5th anniversary of her death. In commemoration of her death, President Yeager commissioned Saturday Night Live to produce a film of the events leading up to her death. This true story is preserved to us today. Keep in mind that this is a true story, albeit played by fictional characters:
Now, i would like to turn the time over to president yeager for his thoughts and insights.
Hi everyone. I feel like I need to explain what happened more thoroughly. As administrators of MASAP, we had decided to have this event of mortal combat. However, we had all decided beforehand to wear bullet-proof vests, so that we would all be able to enjoy shooting each other, while still surviving. I submit as proof of this, the fact that after being shot, we were still able to shoot the others that walked in. Somehow, my sister missed the memo to wear a vest, and as a result, when we shot her, we really shot her. True story. Luckily, the police officers also had their vests on, too. They survived.
Well, everyone, I'm grateful to the voter for being willing to do this joint newsletter with me. It was an enlightening experience. I hope everyone learned something valuable from today's newsletter. For example, make sure that everyone that participates in a gun fight for fun is wearing a bullet-proof vest. If not, you will probably regret it. Also, we would like to thank Shia LeBeouf for being Michael Sylvestre in the video. No one else would do it, and then Shia came along and did it for free!
This is your President and Voter signing off!
Friday, February 19, 2010
Apology Accepted
President's Day. Sadly, President's Day for me included only 3.5 seconds and a mere 1 trillion neurons devoted to thinking about and/or appreciating the individuals who helped shape the history and future of The United States of America.
Which leads me to my topic: Apologies.
OneRepublic is one of my favorite bands. I only have -6 (negative 6) favorite bands, so that's saying something. Wasn't that visually beautiful? And do you agree that all that destruction was fun? (If you just skipped the video and read this line, you should quit cheating and go watch the video Now. And apologize to everyone for cheating. That's right, go to the MASAP group on Facebook and post on the wall, "I apologize for cheating by skipping OneRepublic's 'Apologize' video and hereby swear to never cheat again. I'm sorry. Love, [your name here]")
Let me tell you a story about my life. I sat next to Josh Smith in my 7th grade band class at Mile High Middle School. He had just gotten a brand new trumpet. It was silver and polished and beautiful. In the course of band class one day, the bell of my trumpet struck the bell of his, leaving a dent. I'm not sure whether our teacher Mr. Lawhead heard it or saw it happen, but he verbally reprimanded me, "Travis!" The shock of knowing I'd visibly degraded the new instrument combined with immediate and forceful disapproval from my instructor left me speechless and I responded completely inappropriately with a very embarrassed and wry smile. I had not the ability to express my sorrow for the unfortunate accident.
To this day, I don't believe I ever apologized. I regret that. Though I may love OneRepublic, I must disagree with the premise of their song. It is never too late to apologize.
Have no fear, Josh and I are still great friends. I just received a wedding invitation from him. Congratulations on your engagement Josh! Hopefully I don't hit your wife with my trumpet.
Injustice. Tyranny. Oppression. Taxation without representation.
One time, in response to those conditions (and worse), a group of men got together and signed a document called the Declaration of Independence. If you translate it into modern-day English, it reads, "King George III, It's Too Late to Apologize." Thank goodness that OneRepublic was around to inspire those men. If it hadn't been for this dedicated band, The United States of America might have never had the courage to tell King George:
You had me at Hello.
You hurt me at Goodbye.
You lost me the day you didn't look back.
We truly are fortunate to have had incredible men and women who have laid the foundation of our society, who sacrificed not only for themselves but for us. Let's take a moment to think about it.
Let's also take three minutes and 22 seconds to watch it.
I've always been amazed by the Founding Fathers, but now I think they're AWESOME!
My challenge to you: Think of someone that you should apologize to. Apologize to them. Make a phone call, visit a friend or family member, send an email. But set a wrong right. Then send me a message on Facebook and tell me how it went. I'd love to hear your stories, and I'll keep them private unless you expressly allow me to share them next time.
I know that as we apologize, this world will be a better, more lovely place.
-Travis Moore, Human Shadow
Which leads me to my topic: Apologies.
OneRepublic is one of my favorite bands. I only have -6 (negative 6) favorite bands, so that's saying something. Wasn't that visually beautiful? And do you agree that all that destruction was fun? (If you just skipped the video and read this line, you should quit cheating and go watch the video Now. And apologize to everyone for cheating. That's right, go to the MASAP group on Facebook and post on the wall, "I apologize for cheating by skipping OneRepublic's 'Apologize' video and hereby swear to never cheat again. I'm sorry. Love, [your name here]")
Let me tell you a story about my life. I sat next to Josh Smith in my 7th grade band class at Mile High Middle School. He had just gotten a brand new trumpet. It was silver and polished and beautiful. In the course of band class one day, the bell of my trumpet struck the bell of his, leaving a dent. I'm not sure whether our teacher Mr. Lawhead heard it or saw it happen, but he verbally reprimanded me, "Travis!" The shock of knowing I'd visibly degraded the new instrument combined with immediate and forceful disapproval from my instructor left me speechless and I responded completely inappropriately with a very embarrassed and wry smile. I had not the ability to express my sorrow for the unfortunate accident.
To this day, I don't believe I ever apologized. I regret that. Though I may love OneRepublic, I must disagree with the premise of their song. It is never too late to apologize.
Have no fear, Josh and I are still great friends. I just received a wedding invitation from him. Congratulations on your engagement Josh! Hopefully I don't hit your wife with my trumpet.
Injustice. Tyranny. Oppression. Taxation without representation.
One time, in response to those conditions (and worse), a group of men got together and signed a document called the Declaration of Independence. If you translate it into modern-day English, it reads, "King George III, It's Too Late to Apologize." Thank goodness that OneRepublic was around to inspire those men. If it hadn't been for this dedicated band, The United States of America might have never had the courage to tell King George:
You had me at Hello.
You hurt me at Goodbye.
You lost me the day you didn't look back.
We truly are fortunate to have had incredible men and women who have laid the foundation of our society, who sacrificed not only for themselves but for us. Let's take a moment to think about it.
Let's also take three minutes and 22 seconds to watch it.
I've always been amazed by the Founding Fathers, but now I think they're AWESOME!
My challenge to you: Think of someone that you should apologize to. Apologize to them. Make a phone call, visit a friend or family member, send an email. But set a wrong right. Then send me a message on Facebook and tell me how it went. I'd love to hear your stories, and I'll keep them private unless you expressly allow me to share them next time.
I know that as we apologize, this world will be a better, more lovely place.
-Travis Moore, Human Shadow
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Sleep Deprivation
I have recently received news from MASAP headquarters. There has been a break in. Because of this breach of national security I have chosen not to sleep. And i found it rediculously easy to go for the day without any sleep. Also, i was thinking about it and i have come to the conclusion that mankind has been brainwashed. also swindled. and in fact betrayed. in an effort to deaden our senses and decrease our productivity, the United Nations has been perpetuating a lie for over 400 years. Yes. this lie started even before the formulation of the UN. The lie is that mankind needs to sleep. Not only do they have us believing that we have some kind of biological 'need' to sleep, but they have us convinced that we should do it daily! How rediculous! Think of how many hours in a day we would have if we did not believe this lie! The beatles knew of this truth, and they alluded to it in their famous (but misunderstood) song 'Eight Days A Week.' The beatles worked tirelessly to show that permanent sleep deprivation would give us more time than we even believe is possible. Another famous truth-teller was the band Kiss who tried to show that you could stay busy at equally productive activities day or night. Their most famous song against the sleep deprivation lie is, "I Want to Rock and Roll All Night and Party Every Day." This is in clear opposition to the views of the american health care association, a right wing extremist branch of the UN lie-spreading policy, which tells us we need 8 hours of sleep daily. This is a myth. Look it up in Google. '8 hour sleep myth.' The truth will set you free. Also not sleeping is the solution for all procrastinators. A recent study shows that total productivity was raised by 229% in those individuals willing to stay up all night every night. Particular productivity increases occured in the following categories: Sheep Shearing, Movie viewing, Wii sports, Quidditch, Road Construction, and Agriculture. In fact, if the human race would stop sleeping and start working the fields, a recent study shows that world hunger would be eradicated sometime next month.
Enough about the UN and their lies. Back to the break in at MASAP Headquarters. For an update on the current situation, view the vid.
also, do not tell Al Qaeda about this video. or about the fact that i have captured their nigerian operative.
i keep him in the broom closet with the nimbus 2000, and i feed him reeses pieces, because that is what ET eats.
Boy Finds Own Real-Life E.T.
-the Voter
Enough about the UN and their lies. Back to the break in at MASAP Headquarters. For an update on the current situation, view the vid.
also, do not tell Al Qaeda about this video. or about the fact that i have captured their nigerian operative.
i keep him in the broom closet with the nimbus 2000, and i feed him reeses pieces, because that is what ET eats.
Boy Finds Own Real-Life E.T.
-the Voter
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Hakuna Matata
hakuna matata. what a wonderful phrase! hakuna matata. ain't no passin' craze!
it means no worries for the rest of your days! its our problem free philosophy.
hakuna matata.
masappers, today i wish to address you on overcoming obstacles and challenges. also, i hope you are not having any problems in your lives. unfortunately, this might not be the case. right now, i feel like my life is just about perfect. but it isn't easy either. mostly it is because of my problem free philosophy.
a more literal translation of 'hakuna matata' would be 'no problem,' kind of like the way we say, 'chill out.' now, it doesn't mean that you have never had a problem or that you never plan to. rather, when you have a difficulty that arises, you choose to say to yourself, 'hakuna matata,' meaning, 'its no big deal'
now some people feel like they are always having problems. also there sometimes seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel. you are not alone. so did caleb holt. favorite line: Fireproof doesn't mean the fire will never come. It means when the fire comes that you will be able to withstand it.
i guess what i am trying to say is this: problems come. and you can't really control when they will come or what they will be. but you can control your attitude. and with a small change in attitude, and a big amount of endurance, you will always come out happy and in control.
don't worry, be happy
-the Voter
it means no worries for the rest of your days! its our problem free philosophy.
hakuna matata.
masappers, today i wish to address you on overcoming obstacles and challenges. also, i hope you are not having any problems in your lives. unfortunately, this might not be the case. right now, i feel like my life is just about perfect. but it isn't easy either. mostly it is because of my problem free philosophy.
a more literal translation of 'hakuna matata' would be 'no problem,' kind of like the way we say, 'chill out.' now, it doesn't mean that you have never had a problem or that you never plan to. rather, when you have a difficulty that arises, you choose to say to yourself, 'hakuna matata,' meaning, 'its no big deal'
now some people feel like they are always having problems. also there sometimes seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel. you are not alone. so did caleb holt. favorite line: Fireproof doesn't mean the fire will never come. It means when the fire comes that you will be able to withstand it.
i guess what i am trying to say is this: problems come. and you can't really control when they will come or what they will be. but you can control your attitude. and with a small change in attitude, and a big amount of endurance, you will always come out happy and in control.
don't worry, be happy
-the Voter
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Magicians Get All the Girls
Why, hello fellow MASAPers. Today’s entry will be pretty brief, for I lack time at the moment. I hope that everyone had a wonderful Valentine’s Day, full of love, magic, and food. As for me, I had a wonderful Singles Awareness Day… also full of love, magic, and food, but especially the food part. I started the day single, and I ended the day single. Woe is me
Perhaps if I took up something like magic as a hobby, then I’d be able to win over a girl’s heart. Like this guy:
…except that he failed to win the girl over, too. Perhaps magic isn’t the right life path for me...
Well, I promised short and sweet. I hope you all learned a valuable lesson today… I’m just not quite sure what that lesson would be.
The End.
Jeff Yeager
Mr. President. The Hegemon. Also, Member of the Board.
Perhaps if I took up something like magic as a hobby, then I’d be able to win over a girl’s heart. Like this guy:
…except that he failed to win the girl over, too. Perhaps magic isn’t the right life path for me...
Well, I promised short and sweet. I hope you all learned a valuable lesson today… I’m just not quite sure what that lesson would be.
The End.
Jeff Yeager
Mr. President. The Hegemon. Also, Member of the Board.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Moses: The Man and His Music
Having lived many years, I have discovered that history repeats itself. A lot. A lot a lot. One of my favorite originals of all time, however, was a man who survived floating down a river in a grass basket. His name? Moses.
Moses, like many other people, had a love for music. But his style wasn't what you would expect from a man back in the Egyptian days. He took no interest in blowing through a goat horn or plucking the strings of a lute. No, his passion was for a beat that had a combined feeling of blues, country, and gospel music - rock and roll.
See, growing up in the palace of Egypt, Moses didn't have many rules. He lived his life on a rebellious edge. Growing up together, he and I accidentally caused the nose of the second sphinx to fall off (firecracker incident. lots of firecrackers, too much free time). After that we decided to keep it more low key and start a rock band. It was just a tomb band (aka garage band) at the beginning, but then our popularity grew and the peasants enjoyed our music so much that we started performing shows for the public. We called our band We Have Ancestors From Israel and We Like Rock Music, but for short it was just Israel.
Our Hebrew fans (they called themselves the children of Israel)began to get out of control with their passion for our music. They would even ditch work and risk their lives to come hear some of that ole' time rock n' roll. Because of this extreme behavior, Pharaoh Amenhotep IV found out about our band and ordered us to leave the kingdom at once. ( see, he hated anything but classical music. unhealthy. ) So we left. But soon after we left (and after God talked to Moses through a bush) we returned to take our fans (which were now being treated poorly because of their previous behavior) and run away.
After that time, we were unable to play rock and roll. We needed to keep ourselves and our fans undercover and safe. We traveled for 40 years until we reached the promised land, but considering Moses' age, our band became uncool and the power and love of rock and roll faded.
Now you may contradict me and say that Elvis was the father (some considered him a king) of rock and roll. I tell you he was not. This story of Moses was changed in the Bible hundreds of years ago though when parents attempted to suppress the influence of the rebellious attitude the story gave to their children. Unhealthy. So every time you hear that good ole' time rock n' roll, just remember the man that created the beautiful recipe of unforgettable music.
kodi.
also, video:
Moses, like many other people, had a love for music. But his style wasn't what you would expect from a man back in the Egyptian days. He took no interest in blowing through a goat horn or plucking the strings of a lute. No, his passion was for a beat that had a combined feeling of blues, country, and gospel music - rock and roll.
See, growing up in the palace of Egypt, Moses didn't have many rules. He lived his life on a rebellious edge. Growing up together, he and I accidentally caused the nose of the second sphinx to fall off (firecracker incident. lots of firecrackers, too much free time). After that we decided to keep it more low key and start a rock band. It was just a tomb band (aka garage band) at the beginning, but then our popularity grew and the peasants enjoyed our music so much that we started performing shows for the public. We called our band We Have Ancestors From Israel and We Like Rock Music, but for short it was just Israel.
Our Hebrew fans (they called themselves the children of Israel)began to get out of control with their passion for our music. They would even ditch work and risk their lives to come hear some of that ole' time rock n' roll. Because of this extreme behavior, Pharaoh Amenhotep IV found out about our band and ordered us to leave the kingdom at once. ( see, he hated anything but classical music. unhealthy. ) So we left. But soon after we left (and after God talked to Moses through a bush) we returned to take our fans (which were now being treated poorly because of their previous behavior) and run away.
After that time, we were unable to play rock and roll. We needed to keep ourselves and our fans undercover and safe. We traveled for 40 years until we reached the promised land, but considering Moses' age, our band became uncool and the power and love of rock and roll faded.
Now you may contradict me and say that Elvis was the father (some considered him a king) of rock and roll. I tell you he was not. This story of Moses was changed in the Bible hundreds of years ago though when parents attempted to suppress the influence of the rebellious attitude the story gave to their children. Unhealthy. So every time you hear that good ole' time rock n' roll, just remember the man that created the beautiful recipe of unforgettable music.
kodi.
also, video:
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Valentine's Day
Happy day (if you have a girlfriend...) but hey, if you're single, you've never been reminded so often.
So i have some jellybeans. And if i do not wish you an individual, personal 'Happy Valentine's Day' then you can remind me and i will give you a jellybean. Also, i will not be wishing anyone a happy valentine's day, so just ask me for a jellybean.
i think this is a really clever movie. also, i think that girl is cute.
-the Voter.
So i have some jellybeans. And if i do not wish you an individual, personal 'Happy Valentine's Day' then you can remind me and i will give you a jellybean. Also, i will not be wishing anyone a happy valentine's day, so just ask me for a jellybean.
i think this is a really clever movie. also, i think that girl is cute.
-the Voter.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
The awkward nature of Landon Moore
It has come to my attention lately that everyone is very different. While on the surface, a lot of people seem generally the same, if you dig down deep, you find that everyone has their own quirks; some very strange and others not. At the same time, it has come to my attention that a lot of people are not comfortable with their own quirks. These quirks of which I speak are of the physical type. But let me degrade myself, that perhaps you might feel better.
Let me tell you three things about me.
1. I have large ears. A woman told my mom once when all of my brothers and I were young that we had “clown ears.” Also, upon learning that we got them from our dad, this same woman told my mom, “You must have loved him very much.”
2. I have deep-set eyes. I was unaware of this fact until my freshman year of high school, when someone broke it to me that my eyes were “really far in my head.” More recently, I was told that it looked like someone shoved their fingers into my eye so they are far into my head.
3. I walk with a slight limp. This limp is totally natural, and I’ve always had it. Some might assume that I limp because I was hit by a truck and broke my femur and had to be life-flighted to Phoenix and was in the hospital for three days and on a walker for two weeks and crutches for three months and I have a big piece of metal in my leg. But no, that’s not it. It has led to ceaseless jokes from my siblings. In fact, I trip over the half-court line when I play basketball and I don’t run into things. Things run into me.
Now before I fall into a depression because of my excessive self-degradation, I will explain why I ridicule myself so. You see, I could be embarrassed because of my large ears, my deep set eyes, and my limp.
OR. Think about it this way.
I have large ears so I can better hear the sound of all the girls calling my name. My deep-set eyes are perfect so all the girls can stare dreamily into them. And I have an imperfection in my leg, just like everyone has imperfections. Because it’s when we see a person’s imperfections, and can look past them or even appreciate them, that is when true love results. This has been your pre-Valentine’s Day message from MASAP. Have a very happy Valentine’s Day! Don’t forget that we all have our imperfections. Also, I hope that I have helped you find solace in the fact that you really are not so awfully weird as you thought.
Here is your video. I don’t mind the song so much, but the video has a slightly creepy feel to it. Watch out for his smile. He might be a cowboy casanova.
Love always,
Landon Moore
Your ***MASAP Daily Newsletter*** archivist.
Let me tell you three things about me.
1. I have large ears. A woman told my mom once when all of my brothers and I were young that we had “clown ears.” Also, upon learning that we got them from our dad, this same woman told my mom, “You must have loved him very much.”
2. I have deep-set eyes. I was unaware of this fact until my freshman year of high school, when someone broke it to me that my eyes were “really far in my head.” More recently, I was told that it looked like someone shoved their fingers into my eye so they are far into my head.
3. I walk with a slight limp. This limp is totally natural, and I’ve always had it. Some might assume that I limp because I was hit by a truck and broke my femur and had to be life-flighted to Phoenix and was in the hospital for three days and on a walker for two weeks and crutches for three months and I have a big piece of metal in my leg. But no, that’s not it. It has led to ceaseless jokes from my siblings. In fact, I trip over the half-court line when I play basketball and I don’t run into things. Things run into me.
Now before I fall into a depression because of my excessive self-degradation, I will explain why I ridicule myself so. You see, I could be embarrassed because of my large ears, my deep set eyes, and my limp.
OR. Think about it this way.
I have large ears so I can better hear the sound of all the girls calling my name. My deep-set eyes are perfect so all the girls can stare dreamily into them. And I have an imperfection in my leg, just like everyone has imperfections. Because it’s when we see a person’s imperfections, and can look past them or even appreciate them, that is when true love results. This has been your pre-Valentine’s Day message from MASAP. Have a very happy Valentine’s Day! Don’t forget that we all have our imperfections. Also, I hope that I have helped you find solace in the fact that you really are not so awfully weird as you thought.
Here is your video. I don’t mind the song so much, but the video has a slightly creepy feel to it. Watch out for his smile. He might be a cowboy casanova.
Love always,
Landon Moore
Your ***MASAP Daily Newsletter*** archivist.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Boy With A Girl's Name
so i knew this one kid who had a girls name. only problem was, he was a boy.
this could quite possibly send me on a rampage about the injustices of parents to their children!
i mean, why should a boy be named Kelly, or Tracy, or Ashley? is that really necessary? next thing we will be hearing about boys with names like bertha, petunia, or jessica.
also, this reminds me of the spellings that parents come up with for their kids. sometimes i wonder--do you really think the parents were trying to be creative? i think it is more likely that they just can't spell.
take ashley for example. ashlee ashlie ashleigh.... what is that?
or another popular one: katie, kaite, katy, kaytee, kati, caydee. come on, we might as well use fonetiks and spell it kt. you know, it seems to me like some of us deserve it when the substitute teacher can't pronounce our name...
this could quite possibly send me on a rampage about the injustices of parents to their children!
i mean, why should a boy be named Kelly, or Tracy, or Ashley? is that really necessary? next thing we will be hearing about boys with names like bertha, petunia, or jessica.
also, this reminds me of the spellings that parents come up with for their kids. sometimes i wonder--do you really think the parents were trying to be creative? i think it is more likely that they just can't spell.
take ashley for example. ashlee ashlie ashleigh.... what is that?
or another popular one: katie, kaite, katy, kaytee, kati, caydee. come on, we might as well use fonetiks and spell it kt. you know, it seems to me like some of us deserve it when the substitute teacher can't pronounce our name...
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Siblings
Hello Masapers! I am going to address a very important topic today. And it it siblings.
I am mainly writing on this topic today because of the fact that my three year old little brother is standing next to me yelling at me to get off of the "puter" and is slapping/tickling me to get me off. Also, the only reason he wants on is so that he can change the background of the desktop. Yes. He is computer literate at the age of three.
Now these children tend to give you mixed feelings about them. You love them half of the time, and...not love them as much the over half (to put it kindly). Siblings, especially little brothers, like to stick their feet in your face, hit you with socks, say "I'm not touching you" while being WAY in your bubble, and just be plain obnoxious.
Also, they like to verbally and physically abusive, steal the last cookie, yell at you, and just be loud. Now what can you do? Nothing. Sorry, I apologize because this is not a newsletter to provide solutions, but to encourage you not to give into the desires that you may have to injure them greatly or worse. That will only put you in jail, cause you to have some problems in the afterlife, and get you hated by people. No fun. SO! Just stick it out and enjoy the mistreatment. Ha, just kidding. I am just asking you to put up with them :)
Now for an inspiring video! Do not try this at home. Or on airplanes.
Also siblings are embarrassing. I would know. I have 5 younger.
With love,
Pretty Woman
I am mainly writing on this topic today because of the fact that my three year old little brother is standing next to me yelling at me to get off of the "puter" and is slapping/tickling me to get me off. Also, the only reason he wants on is so that he can change the background of the desktop. Yes. He is computer literate at the age of three.
Now these children tend to give you mixed feelings about them. You love them half of the time, and...not love them as much the over half (to put it kindly). Siblings, especially little brothers, like to stick their feet in your face, hit you with socks, say "I'm not touching you" while being WAY in your bubble, and just be plain obnoxious.
Also, they like to verbally and physically abusive, steal the last cookie, yell at you, and just be loud. Now what can you do? Nothing. Sorry, I apologize because this is not a newsletter to provide solutions, but to encourage you not to give into the desires that you may have to injure them greatly or worse. That will only put you in jail, cause you to have some problems in the afterlife, and get you hated by people. No fun. SO! Just stick it out and enjoy the mistreatment. Ha, just kidding. I am just asking you to put up with them :)
Now for an inspiring video! Do not try this at home. Or on airplanes.
Also siblings are embarrassing. I would know. I have 5 younger.
With love,
Pretty Woman
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Technology
My fellow masappers,
Our beloved President recently spoke to us about awkward experiences. I want to thank him for his frank discussion of awkwardness. I, like our President, have also recently found myself in some extremely awkward situations. Most of these awkward situations involved members of the opposite sex. Actually, all of these experiences involved members of the opposite gender. Funny how that works.
Anyway, I could sit here and tell you about my awkward experiences…and they were quite awkward… or I could move things along and get right to my real message: technology.
Technology is our friend. Also, our enemy. Technology is our “frienemy”. The internet, computers, video games, television, and all other bits of electronics are very useful to us….if we are able to use them. Maybe it’s just me, but I believe that technology is out to get us. Some may call me crazy. Some may even think me paranoid. But when the robots finally stage their violent uprising I’ll be prepared.
And what about those computer games that are supposedly child friendly? All I can say is Oregon Trail scarred me for life. I have nightmares of cholera, crossing rivers in big wagons, and getting stuck in the mud. Child friendly indeed:
There might no longer be boys scouts after the robotic uprising (the robots may annihilate them during some camp outing), but that doesn’t mean we still can’t “be prepared”. I’m practicing my robot boogie. What are you doing to prepare?
-Cait Dunn On a Search for Weapons of Mass Destruction. Also Member of the Board
Our beloved President recently spoke to us about awkward experiences. I want to thank him for his frank discussion of awkwardness. I, like our President, have also recently found myself in some extremely awkward situations. Most of these awkward situations involved members of the opposite sex. Actually, all of these experiences involved members of the opposite gender. Funny how that works.
Anyway, I could sit here and tell you about my awkward experiences…and they were quite awkward… or I could move things along and get right to my real message: technology.
Technology is our friend. Also, our enemy. Technology is our “frienemy”. The internet, computers, video games, television, and all other bits of electronics are very useful to us….if we are able to use them. Maybe it’s just me, but I believe that technology is out to get us. Some may call me crazy. Some may even think me paranoid. But when the robots finally stage their violent uprising I’ll be prepared.
And what about those computer games that are supposedly child friendly? All I can say is Oregon Trail scarred me for life. I have nightmares of cholera, crossing rivers in big wagons, and getting stuck in the mud. Child friendly indeed:
There might no longer be boys scouts after the robotic uprising (the robots may annihilate them during some camp outing), but that doesn’t mean we still can’t “be prepared”. I’m practicing my robot boogie. What are you doing to prepare?
-Cait Dunn On a Search for Weapons of Mass Destruction. Also Member of the Board
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Awkward Moment
First things first: A recent newsletter spoke about how we all suffer from the disease of aging, that no one is free from this disease. I would like to clarify: I am free from this disease and therefore do not age. I am the sole exception to this epidemic (other than vampires, but they aren’t really human anyways). Now that I have that off my chest, let me move on to more important matters. Also, we have a very important addition by Jameson Schindler at the end of this newsletter. A matter of life or death, survival or defeat.
Today I feel the need to talk about a certain subject. This is a subject which has been plaguing my mind as of recently. When I say plaguing, I mean that it has been a very present and constant thing in my life. The subject of which I desire to speak? Awkwardness. It would probably be better to have Kat, the awkward member of the board, speak on this, but I feel like I have had a plethora of awkward experiences lately. Perhaps she will have some input after reading my newsletter.
First of all, I’d like to speak of this last week. Guys, I’m pretty sure we’ve all been in this situation (and girls, vice versa). You run into a girl that you like, and you try to have a little conversation. It becomes extremely awkward because you try to think desperately of something to say and then you say something stupid and absurd.
This is what happened to me this week.
I was walking to work when a (cute) girl that I met recently ran up to me to say hi. I said hello and then we both just stood there… silent… with absolutely nothing to say. So me, trying to start a conversation, started asking questions, like “How were your classes?”, “Where are you going?”, and “Do you have any plans tonight?”, but none of these questions seemed to start up any real conversation (each one was followed by a brief answer, and then more awkward silence). So after the last question, she answered that she was going somewhere at 5, but after that she’d be at her apartment all night. So me, being the genius, awkward person that I am (Kat can probably testify to that), I said “Well, I’ll probably be busy tonight, but if I’m not, I’ll call you,” and then we parted ways. Now, just reading that may not seem too awkward, but just add that awkward atmosphere that you have all experienced, and let your imaginations wander. It was the most awkward situation I’ve had in a very, very long time.
To help you all get that awkward situation feeling in your heads, here is a video that describes the situation that I was in (the general mood that is). The only differences are that my conversation was with a girl (making it even more awkward) and the last 30 seconds of the video didn’t apply to our situation.
In other news, and this is probably much more important than relationships. In fact, with this knowledge that you are about to receive, you will acquire the skills to survive in the wild. The show Man vs. Wild is nothing compared to this simple knowledge, and it is brought to you by our very own Jameson Schindler, who’s greatest accomplishments include punching every bee in the face and this vital skill that he is about to reveal to you all:
Also, Jason Bourne is the second way to kill a moose with your bare hands.
Jeff Yeager
Mr. President. The Hegemon. Also, Member of the Board.
Today I feel the need to talk about a certain subject. This is a subject which has been plaguing my mind as of recently. When I say plaguing, I mean that it has been a very present and constant thing in my life. The subject of which I desire to speak? Awkwardness. It would probably be better to have Kat, the awkward member of the board, speak on this, but I feel like I have had a plethora of awkward experiences lately. Perhaps she will have some input after reading my newsletter.
First of all, I’d like to speak of this last week. Guys, I’m pretty sure we’ve all been in this situation (and girls, vice versa). You run into a girl that you like, and you try to have a little conversation. It becomes extremely awkward because you try to think desperately of something to say and then you say something stupid and absurd.
This is what happened to me this week.
I was walking to work when a (cute) girl that I met recently ran up to me to say hi. I said hello and then we both just stood there… silent… with absolutely nothing to say. So me, trying to start a conversation, started asking questions, like “How were your classes?”, “Where are you going?”, and “Do you have any plans tonight?”, but none of these questions seemed to start up any real conversation (each one was followed by a brief answer, and then more awkward silence). So after the last question, she answered that she was going somewhere at 5, but after that she’d be at her apartment all night. So me, being the genius, awkward person that I am (Kat can probably testify to that), I said “Well, I’ll probably be busy tonight, but if I’m not, I’ll call you,” and then we parted ways. Now, just reading that may not seem too awkward, but just add that awkward atmosphere that you have all experienced, and let your imaginations wander. It was the most awkward situation I’ve had in a very, very long time.
To help you all get that awkward situation feeling in your heads, here is a video that describes the situation that I was in (the general mood that is). The only differences are that my conversation was with a girl (making it even more awkward) and the last 30 seconds of the video didn’t apply to our situation.
In other news, and this is probably much more important than relationships. In fact, with this knowledge that you are about to receive, you will acquire the skills to survive in the wild. The show Man vs. Wild is nothing compared to this simple knowledge, and it is brought to you by our very own Jameson Schindler, who’s greatest accomplishments include punching every bee in the face and this vital skill that he is about to reveal to you all:
Also, Jason Bourne is the second way to kill a moose with your bare hands.
Jeff Yeager
Mr. President. The Hegemon. Also, Member of the Board.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Love and an Airplane
Good day fellow MASAPers! As of yet, I have not had the opportunity of addressing you all, so today I would like to introduce myself. Also, with the upcoming holiday of Valentine’s Day, I would like to share with you a little story which in fact is not true.
Unlike the other MASAP administrators, my story is quite simple. One day I simply woke up and noticed I was alive. I realized that since I was now among the living, I should probably go to school and work. Which brings me here today. I have no childhood or past and therefore live vicariously through the memories of others. That is why I wish to teach children, so I may experience the joy of the childhood I never had, through my students. And no, that is in no way weird or creepy.
Before I share my story, here is a quick video on the dangers of love:
Now for our Valentine’s Day story.
Once upon a time there was a boy named Tay. He was absolutely silly and he loved planes. One day, while flying his model airplane with a “vrrrrm vroooooooom” he noticed a sweet little girl swinging on a swing. After walking up to her, the little boy asked if she would like to see his airplane. She shyly said yes (at this point she’s thinking... “man, is this kid weird or what?”) and Tay showed her his airplane and even made the accompanying flying noises.
“Hi, I’m Tay. What’s your name?” said the little boy after he had fully demonstrated the incredibly awesome effects of his model airplane.
“My name is Brittan. Do you want to play with me?” Although they may not have realized it at the time, this would be a day they would never forget. For you see, Brittan was very impressed by Tay’s extensive knowledge of airplanes and their engine sounds. They began to play together and imagined themselves in far away places, battling against evil pirates and ninjas, and finally finding themselves stranded on a deserted island.
Suddenly Brittan realized that all of their adventures had been real and they truly were stuck on a deserted island.
“Tay, what are we going to do?! My mom would kill me if I was late for dinner again!”
After some serious thought and a few grumblings from his stomach, Tay knew that they must return home before dinner because he was really hungry. Then he had a brilliant idea, he could build them a plane and they could fly home! He quickly set to work and began crafting an expert aircraft. In no time, it was up and running with the aid of his “vrrrrm vroooooooom.” They flew as fast as they could toward home, using the North Star to navigate their path.
They landed back in the park at the stroke of 6 and with a quick goodbye, Brittan ran home as fast as she could. Unfortunately, she was 57 seconds late and was sent to bed without any dinner.
The next day, Tay went to the park, accompanied by his model airplane, to find that Brittan was sitting sadly beneath a tree. He assumed that she must have been late for dinner, so he picked up his plane and with a “vrrrrm vroooooooom” fly over to sit next to her.
“Why are you so sad Brittan?”
“Because I was late for dinner. My mom said that if I was late one more time, I wouldn’t be allowed to come and play at the park anymore.”
“Well then, I guess we’d better keep our adventures closer to home. Besides, now we already have the plane built so we may as well use it to travel everywhere. That’ll make us go faster.”
With that, they leapt up and continued on their great adventures, traveling across the world in Tay’s homemade airplane. Never again were they late for dinner, and at least until the end of summer, they played together happily ever after.
The moral of this story is never forget your homemade airplane when going on daring adventures--for you may end up late for dinner and go to bed hungry. Also, falling in love can be as easy as demonstrating your model airplane.
Love,
Becka Wiser
Vice President. Also performs disciplinary councils.
Unlike the other MASAP administrators, my story is quite simple. One day I simply woke up and noticed I was alive. I realized that since I was now among the living, I should probably go to school and work. Which brings me here today. I have no childhood or past and therefore live vicariously through the memories of others. That is why I wish to teach children, so I may experience the joy of the childhood I never had, through my students. And no, that is in no way weird or creepy.
Before I share my story, here is a quick video on the dangers of love:
Twilight Years from Tom on Vimeo.
Now for our Valentine’s Day story.
Once upon a time there was a boy named Tay. He was absolutely silly and he loved planes. One day, while flying his model airplane with a “vrrrrm vroooooooom” he noticed a sweet little girl swinging on a swing. After walking up to her, the little boy asked if she would like to see his airplane. She shyly said yes (at this point she’s thinking... “man, is this kid weird or what?”) and Tay showed her his airplane and even made the accompanying flying noises.
“Hi, I’m Tay. What’s your name?” said the little boy after he had fully demonstrated the incredibly awesome effects of his model airplane.
“My name is Brittan. Do you want to play with me?” Although they may not have realized it at the time, this would be a day they would never forget. For you see, Brittan was very impressed by Tay’s extensive knowledge of airplanes and their engine sounds. They began to play together and imagined themselves in far away places, battling against evil pirates and ninjas, and finally finding themselves stranded on a deserted island.
Suddenly Brittan realized that all of their adventures had been real and they truly were stuck on a deserted island.
“Tay, what are we going to do?! My mom would kill me if I was late for dinner again!”
After some serious thought and a few grumblings from his stomach, Tay knew that they must return home before dinner because he was really hungry. Then he had a brilliant idea, he could build them a plane and they could fly home! He quickly set to work and began crafting an expert aircraft. In no time, it was up and running with the aid of his “vrrrrm vroooooooom.” They flew as fast as they could toward home, using the North Star to navigate their path.
They landed back in the park at the stroke of 6 and with a quick goodbye, Brittan ran home as fast as she could. Unfortunately, she was 57 seconds late and was sent to bed without any dinner.
The next day, Tay went to the park, accompanied by his model airplane, to find that Brittan was sitting sadly beneath a tree. He assumed that she must have been late for dinner, so he picked up his plane and with a “vrrrrm vroooooooom” fly over to sit next to her.
“Why are you so sad Brittan?”
“Because I was late for dinner. My mom said that if I was late one more time, I wouldn’t be allowed to come and play at the park anymore.”
“Well then, I guess we’d better keep our adventures closer to home. Besides, now we already have the plane built so we may as well use it to travel everywhere. That’ll make us go faster.”
With that, they leapt up and continued on their great adventures, traveling across the world in Tay’s homemade airplane. Never again were they late for dinner, and at least until the end of summer, they played together happily ever after.
The moral of this story is never forget your homemade airplane when going on daring adventures--for you may end up late for dinner and go to bed hungry. Also, falling in love can be as easy as demonstrating your model airplane.
Love,
Becka Wiser
Vice President. Also performs disciplinary councils.
Bowling...
Multiple
Aging
Seniors
Annihilate
Pins
Last week I found myself waiting for what seemed like forever for a group of 400 elderly citizens to finish their bowling league. I watched throw after throw in awe as they were SO consistent! X, 9/, X, X, 7/, X etc..... Granted, the speedometer would read anywhere form 8-11.2 mph for how fast they were throwing it, but they were still getting them down! It made me wonder....we go bowling, our generation, and we are usually happy to bowl over 100. How did these darling wrinkly creatures get so darn good? Let's think of some theories: they have developed Alzheimers and forgot how bad they were/are. With retirement and no kids to steal their time, they have LOTS of practice time....the saying "Practice makes perfect" might be true. Quite possibly, there is a way to pay off the workers in the back to help knock down the pins to make Grandma and Grandpa feel better in their last few moments. I guess I just came to two conclusions that if you suck in bowling now, don't fret. You will be a pro as you get older. Second, that bowling is the only sport that you get better at as you get older.
Wouldn't it be fun if we could get all of MASAPpers together to have a bowling party? Let's do it. February 30, 2010 in Provo, UT 7:00pm. See you then!
Xoxo
Awkward Member of the Board or Kat
Aging
Seniors
Annihilate
Pins
Last week I found myself waiting for what seemed like forever for a group of 400 elderly citizens to finish their bowling league. I watched throw after throw in awe as they were SO consistent! X, 9/, X, X, 7/, X etc..... Granted, the speedometer would read anywhere form 8-11.2 mph for how fast they were throwing it, but they were still getting them down! It made me wonder....we go bowling, our generation, and we are usually happy to bowl over 100. How did these darling wrinkly creatures get so darn good? Let's think of some theories: they have developed Alzheimers and forgot how bad they were/are. With retirement and no kids to steal their time, they have LOTS of practice time....the saying "Practice makes perfect" might be true. Quite possibly, there is a way to pay off the workers in the back to help knock down the pins to make Grandma and Grandpa feel better in their last few moments. I guess I just came to two conclusions that if you suck in bowling now, don't fret. You will be a pro as you get older. Second, that bowling is the only sport that you get better at as you get older.
Wouldn't it be fun if we could get all of MASAPpers together to have a bowling party? Let's do it. February 30, 2010 in Provo, UT 7:00pm. See you then!
Xoxo
Awkward Member of the Board or Kat
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Legends
forgotten cities, also myths
so masappers i feel like i hardly know you anymore. its been so long since i have spoken to any of you that i have almost also forgotten who i am, but i have not, so never fear. well lost cities... lets talk about them.
is it strange that you always hear about things that are lost but you never hear about things that are found? take the city of atlantis. would anybody ever talk about it if it was found? no they would not. so if you ever have the desire to become more intersting to people, try losing yourself. you may find people trying to find you. now take myths and legends, i love them. its pretty much like a game of telephone that has been going on for thousands of years. people just come up with the craziest things. one of my favorite myths is about a really big ship called the titanic. supposedly this ship was unsinkable. also because of this, they decided not to put a lot of life boats on it. also they also thought it would be a good idea to increase the speed of the boat so they got wherever they were going faster. little did they know that an iceberg with anger problems had just broken up with his girlfriend and was looking to settle a score. the titanic never stood a chance... luckily though, they found the lost city and now it is found it is now called hoboken new jersey. unluckily nobody ever talks about it now. so the moral of the story is: be yourself. myths are so crazy-who would believe that story? its so unbelievable that they should almost make a movie about it...,,,,,,....hmm..... nah definite flop.
Michael Sylvestre, Surpreme Chancellor.
so masappers i feel like i hardly know you anymore. its been so long since i have spoken to any of you that i have almost also forgotten who i am, but i have not, so never fear. well lost cities... lets talk about them.
is it strange that you always hear about things that are lost but you never hear about things that are found? take the city of atlantis. would anybody ever talk about it if it was found? no they would not. so if you ever have the desire to become more intersting to people, try losing yourself. you may find people trying to find you. now take myths and legends, i love them. its pretty much like a game of telephone that has been going on for thousands of years. people just come up with the craziest things. one of my favorite myths is about a really big ship called the titanic. supposedly this ship was unsinkable. also because of this, they decided not to put a lot of life boats on it. also they also thought it would be a good idea to increase the speed of the boat so they got wherever they were going faster. little did they know that an iceberg with anger problems had just broken up with his girlfriend and was looking to settle a score. the titanic never stood a chance... luckily though, they found the lost city and now it is found it is now called hoboken new jersey. unluckily nobody ever talks about it now. so the moral of the story is: be yourself. myths are so crazy-who would believe that story? its so unbelievable that they should almost make a movie about it...,,,,,,....hmm..... nah definite flop.
Michael Sylvestre, Surpreme Chancellor.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Birthdays
Birthdays. They are a part of the aging epidemic that I mentioned last week. Yesterday, I celebrated the birthdays of two of my dear friends. Somehow during the process of celebration they became older. I don’t know how it happened, but it did.
Aging is not the only strange thing about birthdays. Has anyone ever noticed how odd some birthday traditions are?
Tradition #1: blowing out candles. Also known as the best way to spread salvia over a cake so you can have it all to yourself. Who thought this was a good idea? “Hey kid, your friends gave you presents. Let’s give 'em something in return. How about mono?”
Tradition #2: Pinatas. Violence? At a party? I guess aging makes you cranky too.
Tradition #3 Pin the tail on the donkey. Seriously, what is with all the animal violence? I’d like to meet the man who thought poking the backside of a donkey was a good idea.
Tradition #4: A pinch to grow an inch. Is this scientifically proven?
Based on common birthday traditions, I would have no choice BUT to come to the conclusion that birthdays are violence and potentially deadly. Just hope that the birthday boy doesn’t have small pox.
Of course, this is all coming from the girl who spent her birthdays at chuck-e-cheese with giant rats and large ball pits. Bazinga!
>
the more complete vid can be found at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0MrDe_2eW10
that one is a lot better
What strange birthday traditions does your family have? Tell us about them in the comments section!
Advice of the day: If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. If it is broke, use duct tape.
-Cait Dunn
Aging is not the only strange thing about birthdays. Has anyone ever noticed how odd some birthday traditions are?
Tradition #1: blowing out candles. Also known as the best way to spread salvia over a cake so you can have it all to yourself. Who thought this was a good idea? “Hey kid, your friends gave you presents. Let’s give 'em something in return. How about mono?”
Tradition #2: Pinatas. Violence? At a party? I guess aging makes you cranky too.
Tradition #3 Pin the tail on the donkey. Seriously, what is with all the animal violence? I’d like to meet the man who thought poking the backside of a donkey was a good idea.
Tradition #4: A pinch to grow an inch. Is this scientifically proven?
Based on common birthday traditions, I would have no choice BUT to come to the conclusion that birthdays are violence and potentially deadly. Just hope that the birthday boy doesn’t have small pox.
Of course, this is all coming from the girl who spent her birthdays at chuck-e-cheese with giant rats and large ball pits. Bazinga!
>
the more complete vid can be found at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0MrDe_2eW10
that one is a lot better
What strange birthday traditions does your family have? Tell us about them in the comments section!
Advice of the day: If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. If it is broke, use duct tape.
-Cait Dunn
Jack and Jill
Good evening fellow human beings, (at least I hope for all your sakes that you are human and not suffering from ridicule wherever you may be), I have a sad, yet real story to tell. And I will be brief.
Everyone has probably heard the poem/song/story of Jack and Jill. Also, I hate to say it, but they left out some parts of the story for the children's sake. It really goes like this:
Jack and Jill were in a tough relationship from the get go. Their parents set up an arranged marriage from the time they were born. This wouldn't be TOO terrible if Jack and Jill actually liked each other. Well, they didn't. There was hatred emanating from one to the other. One day Jack and Jill went up a hill, but not to fetch a pail of water. More like Jill was conspiring to push Jack in. Instead, they ended up fighting and Jill tried to push Jack, but they were in such a drunken and enraged state, Jill just pushed Jack down the hill and ended up falling down afterwards. Also, Jack broke his neck and Jill ended up marrying someone she loved. More or less. But that is a story for another time.
Moral of the story is, don't get drunk, and don't get into arranged marriages. Also, don't try and pretend to fetch a pail of water. It'll just end badly.
Now a video!
and now two!
Sincerely,
Pretty Woman
Everyone has probably heard the poem/song/story of Jack and Jill. Also, I hate to say it, but they left out some parts of the story for the children's sake. It really goes like this:
Jack and Jill were in a tough relationship from the get go. Their parents set up an arranged marriage from the time they were born. This wouldn't be TOO terrible if Jack and Jill actually liked each other. Well, they didn't. There was hatred emanating from one to the other. One day Jack and Jill went up a hill, but not to fetch a pail of water. More like Jill was conspiring to push Jack in. Instead, they ended up fighting and Jill tried to push Jack, but they were in such a drunken and enraged state, Jill just pushed Jack down the hill and ended up falling down afterwards. Also, Jack broke his neck and Jill ended up marrying someone she loved. More or less. But that is a story for another time.
Moral of the story is, don't get drunk, and don't get into arranged marriages. Also, don't try and pretend to fetch a pail of water. It'll just end badly.
Now a video!
and now two!
Sincerely,
Pretty Woman
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Tea Party
there has been a lot of talk about Lost recently. i do not know why. And no, i will not even be talking about that during todays newsletter.
no, i will not talk about Lost. no, not at all. but i do have a lot to talk about today.
what i want to talk about is tea party. now you might be wondering which tea party i am referring to. there was one in boston, there seems to be a daily one all over england during a specified 'tea time' and now there is a political party that likes to talk politics while drinking their tea.
none of these are important.
the real 'tea party of tea parties' is the canadian rock band.
according to wikipedia, "The Tea Party was a Canadian rock band with blues, progressive rock, Indian and Middle Eastern influences, dubbed "Moroccan roll" by the media. Active throughout the 1990s up until 2005 when the band broke up, The Tea Party released eight albums on EMI Music Canada, selling 1.6 million records worldwide, and achieving a #1 Canadian single "Heaven Coming Down" in 1999."
some people might not find the band important, either politically or historically. but lets look at the facts. because of an obscure canadian rock band, the early american colonists dumped english tea into the harbor in Boston. because of canadian rock and roll, massachusetts now has a new senator who proscribes to a political party named after 'the tea party' band. also because of this canadian influence, millions of individuals in England, English territories, and former English colonies take a daily 'tea time' break to celebrate the 1.6 million records sold by the band.
the tea party has left a legacy, both in its progressive rock influences, and in its worldwide effects on international trade, tea consumption, and colonial warfare.
i would go so far as to say, because of the tea party, America is now a free country, Thomas Edison invented the lightbulb, Henry Ford the model-t, and Al Gore the internet. and now, because of the tea party, we have masap.
lets thank the tea party for the foresight to write albums and change history!
MASAP salutes you!
-the Voter.
no, i will not talk about Lost. no, not at all. but i do have a lot to talk about today.
what i want to talk about is tea party. now you might be wondering which tea party i am referring to. there was one in boston, there seems to be a daily one all over england during a specified 'tea time' and now there is a political party that likes to talk politics while drinking their tea.
none of these are important.
the real 'tea party of tea parties' is the canadian rock band.
according to wikipedia, "The Tea Party was a Canadian rock band with blues, progressive rock, Indian and Middle Eastern influences, dubbed "Moroccan roll" by the media. Active throughout the 1990s up until 2005 when the band broke up, The Tea Party released eight albums on EMI Music Canada, selling 1.6 million records worldwide, and achieving a #1 Canadian single "Heaven Coming Down" in 1999."
some people might not find the band important, either politically or historically. but lets look at the facts. because of an obscure canadian rock band, the early american colonists dumped english tea into the harbor in Boston. because of canadian rock and roll, massachusetts now has a new senator who proscribes to a political party named after 'the tea party' band. also because of this canadian influence, millions of individuals in England, English territories, and former English colonies take a daily 'tea time' break to celebrate the 1.6 million records sold by the band.
the tea party has left a legacy, both in its progressive rock influences, and in its worldwide effects on international trade, tea consumption, and colonial warfare.
i would go so far as to say, because of the tea party, America is now a free country, Thomas Edison invented the lightbulb, Henry Ford the model-t, and Al Gore the internet. and now, because of the tea party, we have masap.
lets thank the tea party for the foresight to write albums and change history!
MASAP salutes you!
-the Voter.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Cold-Lady Ga-play
Dear fellow MASAPers,
Another week has already passed since I last addressed you. Time flies… especially at school. Before you know it, it’s time for exams. I find myself in that position right now. I just took my first exam yesterday, and I have two more this week and another next week. Let me throw in several papers to the mix along with a part time job. Then imagine me still trying to throw a social life into the mix, meeting new people, making new friends (especially of the female type), and hanging out with the old (friends, that is). Yet, somehow, I find myself here typing this newsletter, surfing YouTube, and stalking people on Facebook. Man am I talented.
In other news, rumors have been spread that Lady Gaga and Coldplay have started mixing their music together in an attempt to reach a wider audience. I thought they were only rumors until I heard the following song. This is an a cappella group that decided to perform one of Lady Gaga and Coldplay’s joint singles. We have yet to see how successful this new combined group will be in the eyes of its audience. So far, they seem to have seen great success, so much, in fact, that a random a cappella group decided to sing their song.
The moral of this story is that if you ever get rich and famous, join forces with another rich and famous group in order to become even more rich and famous. For those of us who will never be famous, we’re doomed to be loners. Also, single (myself included). Sorry to be so blunt. The truth hurts. Here's another painful truth/fact: Bears eat beets. Bears, beats, Battlestar Galactica. Yeah, that hurts.
Jeff Yeager
Mr. President. Also, Member of the Board.
Another week has already passed since I last addressed you. Time flies… especially at school. Before you know it, it’s time for exams. I find myself in that position right now. I just took my first exam yesterday, and I have two more this week and another next week. Let me throw in several papers to the mix along with a part time job. Then imagine me still trying to throw a social life into the mix, meeting new people, making new friends (especially of the female type), and hanging out with the old (friends, that is). Yet, somehow, I find myself here typing this newsletter, surfing YouTube, and stalking people on Facebook. Man am I talented.
In other news, rumors have been spread that Lady Gaga and Coldplay have started mixing their music together in an attempt to reach a wider audience. I thought they were only rumors until I heard the following song. This is an a cappella group that decided to perform one of Lady Gaga and Coldplay’s joint singles. We have yet to see how successful this new combined group will be in the eyes of its audience. So far, they seem to have seen great success, so much, in fact, that a random a cappella group decided to sing their song.
The moral of this story is that if you ever get rich and famous, join forces with another rich and famous group in order to become even more rich and famous. For those of us who will never be famous, we’re doomed to be loners. Also, single (myself included). Sorry to be so blunt. The truth hurts. Here's another painful truth/fact: Bears eat beets. Bears, beats, Battlestar Galactica. Yeah, that hurts.
Jeff Yeager
Mr. President. Also, Member of the Board.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Martin Luther King Revealed
So some of you have heard of Martin Luther King Jr. You know of his accomplishments and titles: social reformer, pastor, civil rights activist, author, man-who-has-a-dream, martyr, and perhaps more. also, you might have been alive during the recent holiday 18 Jan 2010, the most recent Martin Luther King Day. Actually that day happens every year. It is not always the 18th, but rather the third Monday of every January.
Now i do not discredit Martin's accomplishments, but new evidence suggests that he also had a darker side. perhaps it is best if i break the news to you in person...
so in light of this new proof, what is the truth about MLK? is he a phony? or would you be so narrowminded that you would ignore such incredible evidence?
lets face it, who knows? he's been dead since 1968...
-the Voter
Now i do not discredit Martin's accomplishments, but new evidence suggests that he also had a darker side. perhaps it is best if i break the news to you in person...
so in light of this new proof, what is the truth about MLK? is he a phony? or would you be so narrowminded that you would ignore such incredible evidence?
lets face it, who knows? he's been dead since 1968...
-the Voter
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