Has anyone ever noticed that a lot of TV shows and movies are just ridiculously predictable? For example, on Saturday we were watching the SyFy (SciFi) channel, and we watched two movies: Dinoshark and Dinocroc. We were able to predict every single person that died. It was pretty pathetic. We also wondered if the people that make those movies realize how ridiculous they are. Every time someone died, instead of freaking out or being sad, we laughed. Almost every time someone died, we laughed. It was that ridiculous.
Back to my original point. It’s fascinating how similar movies have all become. As evidence, I present this trailer for every academy award winning movie ever. Make sure you pay special attention to everything they say. Here it is:
In other news, if you haven’t done it yet, make sure you move your clocks forward. Daylight Savings already happened. If you’ve been wondering why your schedules haven’t been syncing, now you know. Get on that.
Now I know who to blame for the hour of sleep that I lost this week. I will never forgive him.
Jeff Yeager
President. Advocate of Daylight Savings Time Removal.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Emerging Competition
So Masappers, this should be an interesting read for you. I found out today that there is another facebook group called 'MASAP.' I researched them, and discovered a very disturbing thing: they have actually tried to assign a meaning to the acronym MASAP. I could not believe my eyes! They actually assigned words to each individual letter of the MASAP acronym. A big step forward in world politics! Acting under the direction of MASAP President Yeager, I took the initiative to message the creator and head administrator of the other MASAP facebook group: A pretty young woman named Marie Schramke. This is my message to her in full:
Dear Marie,
My name is Jeremy Moore. Also, from what I can gather, I believe that we are mutually involved in the truly revolutionary cause of MASAP. Due to our similar interests, as well as our long history of cooperation, I believe that a merger would be a profitable proposition for the both of us.
A little bit of history for you:
Born in the ashes of your 20th anniversary celebration, yes on the very same evening (October 16, 2009), MASAP was born. With little wind to guide us, we followed the path of least resistance.
Logically, we wrote a daily newsletter. We searched for purpose. We found all the right friends in all the right places. When it seemed like no progress was being made, and at the very moment when my consciousness was about to sink into utter oblivion, it was as if a light turned on. A blinding, bright light that made me wonder if I had fallen asleep at a board meeting. After all the long hours of deliberation, research, and board meetings (which always make me bored...), we were inspired to name ourselves the "Maine Association of Student Affairs Practitioners," a wholly unremarkable name to say the least. We hurried over to the patent office in our beat-up hot air balloon, only to found that you had arrived first. 20 years before. To the day.
I'm sure you can relate.
Since our name was taken, the Feds weren't about to let us register. Ever since that time, we have labored without ceasing, continuously pressing on in an effort to reach the state of perfection that the Hindu's call Nirvana. After listening to a few albums, I decided I wasn't a big fan.
Nevertheless and notwithstanding, I come to you humbly, begging for a truthful response to my plea. On bended knee, I beseech of you-- come to the negotiation table. Allow us some kind of treaty, alliance, business merger, or NAP.
Respectfully Yours,
Jeremy Moore
the Voter
MASAP
I await her response. Also, more instruction will follow. In the meantime, I am yours, forever and always.
Respectfully,
-the Voter.
Dear Marie,
My name is Jeremy Moore. Also, from what I can gather, I believe that we are mutually involved in the truly revolutionary cause of MASAP. Due to our similar interests, as well as our long history of cooperation, I believe that a merger would be a profitable proposition for the both of us.
A little bit of history for you:
Born in the ashes of your 20th anniversary celebration, yes on the very same evening (October 16, 2009), MASAP was born. With little wind to guide us, we followed the path of least resistance.
Logically, we wrote a daily newsletter. We searched for purpose. We found all the right friends in all the right places. When it seemed like no progress was being made, and at the very moment when my consciousness was about to sink into utter oblivion, it was as if a light turned on. A blinding, bright light that made me wonder if I had fallen asleep at a board meeting. After all the long hours of deliberation, research, and board meetings (which always make me bored...), we were inspired to name ourselves the "Maine Association of Student Affairs Practitioners," a wholly unremarkable name to say the least. We hurried over to the patent office in our beat-up hot air balloon, only to found that you had arrived first. 20 years before. To the day.
I'm sure you can relate.
Since our name was taken, the Feds weren't about to let us register. Ever since that time, we have labored without ceasing, continuously pressing on in an effort to reach the state of perfection that the Hindu's call Nirvana. After listening to a few albums, I decided I wasn't a big fan.
Nevertheless and notwithstanding, I come to you humbly, begging for a truthful response to my plea. On bended knee, I beseech of you-- come to the negotiation table. Allow us some kind of treaty, alliance, business merger, or NAP.
Respectfully Yours,
Jeremy Moore
the Voter
MASAP
I await her response. Also, more instruction will follow. In the meantime, I am yours, forever and always.
Respectfully,
-the Voter.
Daylight Saving Time
Dearest Masappers,
There are many reasons as to why we have Daylight Saving Time at all, and they are as follows:
1)So we have a legitimate excuse to miss Church on Sunday.
2)So farmers can have more time during the day to work on their fields and milk their cows and feed their goats and chew tobacco.
3)To save energy. More daylight means cooking outdoors, which means less electricity and more flies on our food. Also more calories in our food, if you count the flies.
4)So we can swim and boat at the lake and enjoy Arizona sunsets for an hour longer each day.
5)Crime happens at night, so when we have daylight, crime decreases. Just think, without all the daylight lying around during the Summer, all the teenagers who have no school, no jobs and no common sense would just be smashing things, doing drugs, street racing and writing computer viruses on their iPhones.
Whether we like it or not, Daylight Saving Time is upon us, and I for one am scared. What do I have to be afraid of? The Conspiracy, of course.
Reasons 1-4 are all myths as to why Daylight Saving Time exists, number 5 I made up, and the 6th reason is actually the most correct.
6)So birds have more time to migrate.
Can you believe it? Have you ever noticed that Daylight Saving Time always occurs around Fall and Spring migration? I bet not. It’s no coincidence, however, that they occur simultaneously every year, year in and year out. The Wing-ed People Rights and Interests group is one of the most powerful and most well entrenched lobbying groups in the world. With over 3 million birds in D.C. alone, there’s no wonder that they can mess with time in ways even Einstein’s theories can’t possibly describe.
Scenario: Imagine you live in Washington D.C. and you wake up one morning. What’s the first thing you hear? It’s not your alarm clock, it’s BIRDS. They are singing, and while you might assume they’re singing such phrases as, “Top of the morning to you, Robin!” or “What a tasty insect I just ate, Anna’s Hummingbird!” or even, “Mr. House Finch and I are just starting our third batch of kids this year!”, what they’re actually singing is, “Give us more time to migrate, Senate Majority Leader!”. This is an insidious, yet invisible problem.
Migration must be hard on the poor little guys, but it terrifies me that birds have more control over our politicians than we give them credit for. I’m also quite troubled by the ability of small, insignificant wing-ed creatures having enough power to change TIME.
On another note, the single reason I’m up this late is this: I wanted to see my phone skip one hour and one minute.I watched as the time went from 1:59 AM to 3AM in only sixty seconds. It was pretty cool! Yet it’s the birds’ fault, I swear.
-Travis Moore
There are many reasons as to why we have Daylight Saving Time at all, and they are as follows:
1)So we have a legitimate excuse to miss Church on Sunday.
2)So farmers can have more time during the day to work on their fields and milk their cows and feed their goats and chew tobacco.
3)To save energy. More daylight means cooking outdoors, which means less electricity and more flies on our food. Also more calories in our food, if you count the flies.
4)So we can swim and boat at the lake and enjoy Arizona sunsets for an hour longer each day.
5)Crime happens at night, so when we have daylight, crime decreases. Just think, without all the daylight lying around during the Summer, all the teenagers who have no school, no jobs and no common sense would just be smashing things, doing drugs, street racing and writing computer viruses on their iPhones.
Whether we like it or not, Daylight Saving Time is upon us, and I for one am scared. What do I have to be afraid of? The Conspiracy, of course.
Reasons 1-4 are all myths as to why Daylight Saving Time exists, number 5 I made up, and the 6th reason is actually the most correct.
6)So birds have more time to migrate.
Can you believe it? Have you ever noticed that Daylight Saving Time always occurs around Fall and Spring migration? I bet not. It’s no coincidence, however, that they occur simultaneously every year, year in and year out. The Wing-ed People Rights and Interests group is one of the most powerful and most well entrenched lobbying groups in the world. With over 3 million birds in D.C. alone, there’s no wonder that they can mess with time in ways even Einstein’s theories can’t possibly describe.
Scenario: Imagine you live in Washington D.C. and you wake up one morning. What’s the first thing you hear? It’s not your alarm clock, it’s BIRDS. They are singing, and while you might assume they’re singing such phrases as, “Top of the morning to you, Robin!” or “What a tasty insect I just ate, Anna’s Hummingbird!” or even, “Mr. House Finch and I are just starting our third batch of kids this year!”, what they’re actually singing is, “Give us more time to migrate, Senate Majority Leader!”. This is an insidious, yet invisible problem.
Migration must be hard on the poor little guys, but it terrifies me that birds have more control over our politicians than we give them credit for. I’m also quite troubled by the ability of small, insignificant wing-ed creatures having enough power to change TIME.
On another note, the single reason I’m up this late is this: I wanted to see my phone skip one hour and one minute.I watched as the time went from 1:59 AM to 3AM in only sixty seconds. It was pretty cool! Yet it’s the birds’ fault, I swear.
-Travis Moore
Friday, March 12, 2010
Mad Libs
My name is Jeremy Moore. Even at a young age I knew I was a breakfast idiot. My friends loved their slinky, but I loved my gooey omelette pan. While the other kids pranced around the streets pretending to be Kyla Rohrbough, I saw myself as Captain Grits. They played raquetball, I played bacon cook-off. They complained about politics and I got lost in my new "All Breakfast, All Day" cookbook. They went to prom, I went to the granola with milk Cook-A-Thon. They chose their colleges based on dancing programs, I counted the number of breakfast joints within Junior Jamming distance. After college I turned down 23,486 jobs in order to live 2,347 feet from the best breakfast in Provo. Like I said before, I always knew I was a Breakfast Lover.
Thanks to Denny's of Provo for sponsoring this exciting Mad Lib and an awesome Junior Jammers tournament.
-Becka Wiser, Vice President.
Thanks to Denny's of Provo for sponsoring this exciting Mad Lib and an awesome Junior Jammers tournament.
-Becka Wiser, Vice President.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
iPhone Part 4
we have explored the uses of the iPhone, contemplated its existence, and used the theory of relativity to construct the relative size of the iPhone when travelling at the speed of light. yet there is one topic we have yet to discuss.
what happens when you DO get your own iPhone?
well, because the iPhone is not at all useful by itself, you must spice it up. this can be done in a plethora of ways: accessories, cases, and applications. today we will discuss applications. an application is an entirely useless program that can be added to its complementary entirely useless electronic device: your iPhone.
okay, assuming you now have your own iPhone and have loaded it with applications, what do you do?
nothing, presumably. absolutely nothing. you probably shouldn't have wasted your money.
since you did, try to enjoy it.
play papi jump.
-the Voter
what happens when you DO get your own iPhone?
well, because the iPhone is not at all useful by itself, you must spice it up. this can be done in a plethora of ways: accessories, cases, and applications. today we will discuss applications. an application is an entirely useless program that can be added to its complementary entirely useless electronic device: your iPhone.
okay, assuming you now have your own iPhone and have loaded it with applications, what do you do?
nothing, presumably. absolutely nothing. you probably shouldn't have wasted your money.
since you did, try to enjoy it.
play papi jump.
-the Voter
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